Detroit Lions
Karsch: Aaron Curry, LB, Wake Forest. I love defense like Lindsey Lohan loves women … and men. Who’s got more talent at Linebacker?
Anderson: Aaron Curry LB Wake Forest. Safest pick and a damned fine human being!
|
St. Louis Rams
Karsch: Jason Smith, T, Baylor. Rams just lost their big fatty O. Pace.
Anderson: Jason Smith OT Baylor. They're no longer down with OP, Smitty's their man.
|
Kansas City Chiefs
Karsch: B.J. Raji, DT, Boston College. They Chiefs are devastated the Lions did the very smart thing. Very smart!
Anderson: B.J. Raji DT Boston College. KC needs beef and that's his real first name, it's so true.
|
Seattle Seahawks
Karsch: Eugene Monroe, T, Virgina. I don’t get why they’d take Sanchez. The pick is Monroe, he’s not dirty.
Anderson: Mark Sanchez QB USC Dirty...only because it's not Stafford...and his last name.
|
Cleveland Browns
Karsch: Michael Crabtree, WR, Texas Tech. He is not expected to drop passes (Braylon) or hit people with a vehicle (Stallworth).
Anderson: Brian Orakpo DE Texas. Paired with Shaun Rogers, it's like Texas Toast.
|
Cincinnati Bengals
Karsch: Aaron Maybin, DE, Penn State. With Monroe and Smith gone they target Maybin even though he hasn’t committed a felony yet.
Anderson: Eugene Monroe OT Virginia. Cinci wanted someone who wouldn't get arrested, yet.
|
Oakland Raiders
Karsch: Brian Orakpo, DE Texas. Somebody wake the old man and tell his Orakpo was the best player left on the overhead.
Anderson: Michael Crabtree WR Texas Tech. Al Davis is excited for his first season of crabs since 1969.
|
Jacksonville Jaguars
Karsch: Jeremy Maclin, WR, Missouri. WR is their #1 need. Maclin happens to be a WR. Awesome.
Anderson: Jeremy Maclin WR Missouri. Fans are pissed it's not Harvin, Maclin's pissed at fans, a win, win!
|
Green Bay Packers
Karsch: Tyson Jackson, DE, LSU. They really need an OLB, or OT. But no OLB is worth #9 and Andre Smith needs a bra. Jackson goes to the village.
Anderson: Aaron Maybin DT Penn State. Hard to believe it's been 20 years since Mandarich, it's got nothing to do with Maybin.
|
San Francisco 49ers
Karsch: Matt Stafford, QB, Georgia. Yep … I’m the one that has him going here. And truth be told I could see 49ers taking Smith
Anderson: Matthew Stafford QB Georgia. Mike Singletary is a big fat liar, and he once beat an elk in a staring contest.
|
Buffalo Bills
Karsch: Andre Smith, T, Alabama. He will seem like a true pro playing on a team with TO.
Anderson: Tyson Jackson DE LSU. They love LL Cool J, "Like Tyson, I'm icin', I'm a soldier at war. Makin' sure you don't try to battle me no more."
|
Denver Broncos
Karsch: Mark Sanchez, QB, USC. Josh McDaniels sells Bronco fans that this was the plan all along. He of course is lying.
Anderson: Everette Brown DE FSU. 4 E's and 2 T's in your first name, really?
|
Washington Redskins
Karsch: Robert Ayers, DE, Tennessee. Although given Daniel Snyder’s infatuation with flash … the pick could be LeBron James.
Anderson: Brian Cushing LB USC. The Skins thought he was related to Old Tyme Vampire Peter Cushing, but they hope he doesn't really suck.
|
New Orleans Saints
Karsch: Malcom Jenkins, CB, Ohio State. I really have no f*cking idea what New Orleans will do. NONE.
Anderson: Chris "Beanie" Wells RB Ohio State. Beanie and Bush...sounds like a porno.
|
Houston Texans
Karsch: Houston: Brian Cushing, OLB, USC. Now pee in this cup.
Anderson: Robert Ayers DE Tennessee. The Oilers went to Tennessee, now the Texans get their revenge!
|
San Diego Chargers
Karsch: Rey Mauluga, ILB USC. If the Lions don’t take Curry … this is the pick that makes me say … F!
Anderson: Andre Smith OT Alabama. Bringing the Bro back to the beach, though I prefer Mansierre.
|
NY Jets
Karsch: Knowshon Moreno, RB, Georgia. Because Farve announces his comeback during ESPN’s pre-draft show.
Anderson: Josh Freeman QB Kansas State. Manhattan, Kansas is the same as Manhattan, NY...right?
|
Denver Broncos
Karsch: Peria Jerry, DT, Mississippi. For the second time in 3 picks, I say … F!
Anderson: Peria Jerry DT Mississippi. Jealous of the lack of multiple consonants, he switches his name to Jerree Pairria, take that Everette!
|
Tampa Bay Bucs
Karsch: Clay Mathews, OLB, USC. If Jerry is still here, car-car-house … he will go here.
Anderson: Rey Maualuga LB USC. It's odd, but big Rey is demanding the return of Buccaneer Bruce and the abolition of Pewter.
|
Detroit Lions
Karsch: Everette Brown, DE, Florida State. You think I’m done drafting defense? I’m just getting started.
Anderson: Michael Oher OT Mississippi. Micahel Oher the boat ashore...I'm sorry.
|
Philadelphia Eagles
Karsch: Chris Wells, RB, Ohio State. Pay cut.
Anderson: Darrius Heywood-Bay WR Maryland. Great family tree, father was star point guard for Carver High, tries to hide that fact with the whole "Bay" thing.
|
Minnesota Vikings
Karsch: Michael Oher, T, Mississippi. Now good luck facing Ikaika Alama-Francis twice a year.
Anderson: Percy Harvin WR Florida. Percy wears Purple, Percy wears Purple.
|
New England Patriots
Karsch: Darrius Heyward-Bay, WR, Maryland. Most names ever!
Anderson: Clay Matthews LB USC. The Pats think they can really mold this Clay. That's GOLD!
|
Atlanta Falcons
Karsch: Vontae Davis, CB, Atlanta. Most Vontae ever!
Anderson: Evander Hood DT Missouri. Don't be surprised when the Real Deal walks to the podium next to Goodell...awkward.
|
Miami Dolphins
Karsch: Percy Harvin, WR, Florida. Test positive and then goes to Miami … convenience stores in South Florida order more Funions.
Anderson: Vonte Davis CB Illinois. No truth to the rumor he's looking to add an apostrophe for flair, or change it to Davis-Bay.
|
Baltimore Ravens
Karsch: Brandon Pettigrew, TE, Oklahoma State. I read Todd Heap is slowing down … all ready! I’m old.
Anderson: Kenny Britt WR Rutgers. Stupid English, don't they know there's only one T in Brit?
|
Indianapolis Colts
Karsch: Clint Sintim, OLB, Virgina. Eternal searching for defense and Sintim plays defense.
Anderson: Hakeem Nicks WR North Carolina. He's Coming to America and straight to Indy, Stevie's kid is all grown up!
|
Buffalo Bills
Karsch: Larry English, DE, Northern Illinois. One of my favorite players in the draft
Anderson: Brandon Pettigrew TE Oklahoma State. Something, something, something, 3 cats, 4 dogs, and a ferret...Pettigrew.
|
NY Giants
Karsch: Alphonso Smith, CB, Wake Forest. As much as a return man as a CB
Anderson: Clint Stintim LB Virginia. The Giants can't wait to find out what the Hell Stintim means, but Clint Stintim just sounds badass.
|
Tennessee Titans
Karsch: Tennessee: Darius Butler, CB, UConn. Teammate Hasheem Thabeet still on the board.
Anderson: James Laurinaitis LB Ohio State. The son of Road Warrior Animal brings his little tuchus to Tennesseeya.
|
Arizona Cardinals
Karsch: Donald Brown, RB, UConn. Repeat the Thabeet joke.
Anderson: Knowshawn Moreno RB Georgia. Gets to rub it in his older brother face that he got drafted in the 1st, take that Ignorantshawn!
|
Pittsburgh Steelers
Karsch: Max Unger, C, Oregon. He’ll play guard.
Anderson: Malcom Jenkins CB Ohio State. This Malcolm is in the end, not the middle...I shouldn't stop.
|
Detroit Lions
Karsch: Detroit: Louis Delmas, S, Western Michigan. Now bitches!
Anderson: Larry English DE Northern Illinois. Can't wait to face Baltimore some day and that informal twit Kenny Britt. Finish strong with a rhyme!
|
E-Mail Story
Print Story
.gif)
