10 - New video game "Grocery Getter." You pick up kids and groceries in your new Mini-van but you call it an SUV – Mike from Ferndale
9 - How to improve video game sales: all video games will now spend 15 minutes with Tim Tebow before shipping to make them better – Bob from Livonia
8 - The video game to save the industry - grand theft auto: Milledgeville – Nick from AA
7 - Ways to improve video game sales: bring back the dream cast, you know Walter Sharpe would buy it – Brett from Farmington
6 - Ways to increase video game sales.... Just make a video game version of the French game show that’s on your website – Joe from Trenton
5 - Ways to help video game sales... Sony hires Dan Gilbert to help increase video game sales with fool proof "we'll figure it out" strategy – Beeler at work
4 - Ways to improve video game sales...playstation4, Joe Sakic edition complete with four button controllers – Joe T from the D
3 - New wee game! Tigers wee wee game. How many holes in one can you get it in – Bryan from Southfield
2 - How to improve sales. Do a game like Jordan vs. Bird but make SJP vs. Hilary Swank in a game of horse – Scott from Fenton
1 - How to sell more video games, make a pole dance revolution (like dance dance revolution)-Trink in the D
What did Chuck Norris get for his 70th Birthday?
10. Chuck Norris didnt turn 70, 70 turned Chuck Norris - Adam from Southfield
9. Chuck Norris got a trophy from winning a staring contest with the sun - Andy Marysville
8. What did Chuck get? A duel set with Zach Follet! There can only be one highlander - Tito Bloomfield
7. What did Chuck get? a fist snuggie - Lawson from Troy
6. What did Chuck get? Some new gel insoles to stop him from causing so many earthquakes - Scott Fenton
5. The same thing he got at birth: frankincense and myrth - Nick AA
4. Chuck Norris went to the Virgin Islands for his birthday...now they're just called the Islands - Bryan from Southfield
3. Chuck got a dead puppy which he brought back to life by karate chopping its heart to beat again. He then roundhouse kicked the puppy into the sun only to prove Chuck giveth and Chuck taketh away. - Beeler at work
2. Chuck didn't get older he spinned kick reversing the earth's rotation and the world got younger - Wayne from the D
1. Cory Haim died on the same day Chuck Norris turned 70...coincidence or does somebody die everytime Chuck blows out a candle? Jim from Milford
Better punishment for Carl Edwards
10 - A better punishment would be to get him a part time gig as Zach Follets tackling dummy - Dave in West Bloomfield
9 - A better punishment would be to make him spend 5 minutes with my ex-wife, with that threat he will never break the rules again - Dave in warren
8 - Worse punishments... hot oil massage performed by Tom Bigby – Beeler at work
7 - Better punishment for Carl Edwards? Kay jeweler’s guy will forever ride shotgun with him for every race. nascar will inform Edwards that he'll be there....and he always will be – Mike from West Bloomfield
6 - How should nascar punish Carl Edwards? Just make him sit down and watch an entire nascar race, nothing can get worse than that – Clint from Warren
5 - A better punishment for Carl Edwards...forced to run the next three races with Patrick Kane & a bag of nickels in the back – Special K from Farmington Hills
4 - Better punishment for Carl Edwards: nascar should force him to use restrictor plates on all tracks to cut down his engine's SJP power – John from Plymouth
3 - Better punishment for Carl Edwards...he has to make sure all the toilet seats are down and clean before Danica uses them – Scott from Fenton
2 - A better punishment for Edwards. Send him to the big red trailer for a talk with baby Jesus. Shake and bake!!! – Grannick from Gibraltar
1 - Better punishments for Carl Edwards...make him open the Carl Edwards’s hotel and casino in Milledgeville, GA - Joe T from the D
Things that are more exciting than golf without Tiger Woods
10 - Things more exciting than golf without tiger woods? Pep rally with the Ole Miss Akbars! - Will in a cube
9 - Charles Barkley’s taco bell poem is more exciting than golf without tiger woods. It rocks it rocks.-Keith in the heights
8 - Things more exciting? Ben Stein reciting the dictionary cover to cover – Aaron on his cell
7 - Things more exciting than golf without tiger? A play station 1 with no games and no controllers - chuck in warren
6 - Things more exciting than golf without Tiger. . .making hot dog water soup – Scott from Fenton
5 - The Aveion Cason highlight reel is more exciting than the PGA tour without tiger woods – Errol from Flint
4 - Things more exciting than golf w/out Tiger: a bachelor party planned by Roger Clemens - Bob in Livonia
3 - The new audio book "tax law & you", read by rod Marinelli, is way more exciting than golf w/o tiger woods – Dennis at work
2 - Things more exciting than golf w/out Tiger: porn with clothed people not having sex – Bryan from Southfield
1 - Things more exciting then golf without tiger I don’t know but I’m right here....and I always will be – Dan from Eastpointe
Ways Milledgeville Georgia is marketing itself as more like Vegas
10 - Since what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas was taken, they went with what happens in Milly becomes front page news! – Justin from AA
9 - Ways to make Milledgeville, GA like Vegas, advertise it's no longer a one sjp town – Joe T from the D
8 - What can Milledgeville do to be more like Vegas? Hire Johnny Damon’s wife for idea's on how to be more cosmopolitan – Clint from Warren
7 - George Foster wants to know what all the fuss is about regarding Milledgeville, he's been going there for years! - Dave in commerce
6 - How else is Milledgeville Georgia marketing itself like Vegas: they replaced Monte core from Siegfried & Roy with Joakim Noah – Brett from Farmington
5 - They can build carnival carnival instead of circus circus – Mike from Trenton
4 - Other ways they are trying to be like Vegas . . . the Charlie Weiss buffet and pant factory tour – Bryan from Southfield
3 - How else is it like Vegas . . . hosting the next Tyson fight – Cory from the D
2 - The best part about Milledgeville’s push to become the Vegas of the south - the VIP lounge at the local waffle house! – Kay from Brighton
1 - What are they doing in Milledgeville? Opening up a Celine Deion driving range, and putt putt park – Justin from Southfield
What did the Schwartz say to Vanden Bosch in his driveway at midnight?
10 - Schwartz simply said to KVB...... You complete me – Doug from Canton
9 - Schwartz said I know how much you like Greek town, Octopus and the Redwings....um your wife said what????? – Kyle from Auburn Hills
8 - Of course he told vb "may the Schwarz be with you!!!" – Nick from AA
7 - What did the Schwartz say to Vanden Bosch at midnight? Kyle woke up and answered his door, said "coach Schwartz what are you doing here?" the Schwartz said "here's a contract, you gotta want it!!!" – Clint from Warren
6 - What did the Schwartz say: the Schwartz threw a flag and said “penalty for holding” and then proceeded to give Kyle a giant hug – Brett from Farmington
5 - I guess Jim Schwartz and Kyle vanden bosch drank wine all night, and when kvd awoke, he asked, "I did what?!" – Steve from Chicago
4 - What did Schwartz say to kvb...if you don’t sign with us, we will send Zach Follett after you – Mike in Saint Claire
3 - Hi… I’m looking for Ray Finkel…. And a clean pair of shorts!!! - Aaron from Ypsi
2 - What did the Schwartz say to boosh...nothing...he rang the doorbell, ran and left a flaming bag of $#!+ w/ a titans logo on it – Nick from Brighton
1 - Jim Schwartz was standing in Vandenbosh's front yard holding a boom box over his head playing Peter Gabriel’s "in your eyes." – Nick from Novi
What to expect from the new Gilligan's Island
10 - The Freep will report that the tour actually took 3 and a half hours and that there were major code violations – Bryan from Southfield
9 - expect a short movie because George foster will already be on the island and have a boat built – Scott from Fenton
8 - Millen will be captain and the boat will sink – Chuck from Trenton
7 - what can we expect from the new gilligans island? don't expect to see johnny damon, his wife said it's not cosmopolitan enough – Cory from garden city
6 - gilligans island, you can expect them to make a satellite dish out of a coconut shell, yet be unable to fix a 3 foot hole in a boat – Ben from AA
5 - things to expect from the new gilligans island. the castaways will finally be rescued as sam cassells ship beams them to his home planet – Jay from the D
4 - on gilligans island they will see a boat on the horizon but nobody on the boat sees the signal fire because the vikings were to busy partying – Bryan from Bloomfield
3 - what to expect from gilligan's island. the professor will build a communication device but thanks to gilligan it will only receive the yankees entertainment & sports network – Gord from Windsor
2 - I don’t know what to expect from a new gilligan’s island, im stuck in a closet, Mike Leach locked me in here. – Mike from Lapeer
1 - Ginger and Maryanne make a video… 2 girls…1 coconut – Mike from Berkley
Reasons why Peter Parker got fired
10 - WHY WAS SPIDERMAN FIRED? Spiderman was fired after he was caught inside Charlotte’s Web! – Dave from Lapeer
9 - Him and Harold Reynolds couldn’t agree on web gems - Sarge from the D
8 - Why was peter parker fired. . . too much time spent with marry Jane and a bag of Doritos – Cory from flint
7 - Why peter parker was fired...came to work sporting a tie with Wang on it! – Mike from Ferndale
6 - Spiderman was fired for hanging out on a web in the upper corner of the woman’s bathroom - Brian in canton
5 - Peter parker was not fired...Bigby moved him to the morning show with batman and robin – Bryan from Southfield
4 - Why did spider-man lose his job: because they replaced him with a member of the fantastic four, Joe Skic – Brett from Farmington
3 - Why was peter parker fired? For drunken texts to female co-workers concerning his "tingling spidey senses – E from Dearborn Heights
2 - Why was peter parker fired. . . kept saying ' That's what she said' after everything his boss said – Larry from the D
1 - Peter was fired for an inappropriate relationship with the wonder twins...Chris Hanson exposed him – Kevin from Howell
Where will bacon show up next?
10 - Bacon will be an ingredient in a new underarm deodorant: "Degree Of Kevin Bacon". - Kevin (coincidentally) from Clinton Township
9 - Bacon has just entered the coffee, donut, race at the palace!!! - Hammer from Southfield
8 - bacon, i put that bleep on everything - Spooner from Bloomfield
7 - where will we see bacon next?: Bacon Of Love starring Bret Michaels, he'll now be wooed by actual pigs - Bob in Livonia
6 - Bacon flavored edible undies, - Tiger Woods
5 - The Nationals will sell Wang wrapped in Bacon!! - Mike in Southfield
4 - zach follet is going to carve the biggest and best damn wooden statue of bacon you've ever tasted - Randy from Lapeer
3 - wang develops a better slider using bacon grease on balls - Don from Romulus 2 - Sydney crosby was just seen eating bacon and now nobody will eat bacon in Detroit - Bryan from Southfield
1 - how about bacon flavored gator-ade? i know of two former college coaches that would gladly get the gator-ade shower now - Holly from Farmington
How did Crosby celebrate winning the gold medal?
10 - Crosby celebrated by having a full sippy cup of milk, and a gummy cigar – Joe from Port Huron
9 - Crosby’s mom took him to chucky cheese after the game to celebrate – Jay from the D
8 - How did Sidney Crosby celebrate: i don’t know but Lane Kiffin heard he was a baby and offered him a scholarship – Brett from Farmington
7 - How did Sidney celebrate his gold medal? He called up Zach Follet and had him carve a wood statue of Gary Bettman grabbing his ankles – Clint from Warren
6 - How Sid will celebrated...Roger Clemens took him to the petting zoo – Tim from Sterling Heights
5 - Crosby celebrated with cookies and cheese. Isn't that what every little girl wants? - Kyle in Livonia
4 - Crosby celebrated by hanging out with his B.F.F. Stevie Y, while they both egg all the Redwings houses - Joe- Wyandotte
3 - How Sydney celebrated…with a six pack of juice boxes, fruit, snacks, and kicked backed watching Dora the Explore on Nick JR. - Ron at work
2 - How did Sid the kid celebrate? His mom let him stay up past his bedtime to watch the mighty ducks – Bob from Dearborn
1 - How did Sidney Crosby celebrate? He updated his facebook status to: Sidney Crosby rules, team USA drools – Andrew from Dearborn
How could the gold medal Canadian Womens hockey team have celebrated?
10-how should the canadians of celebrated: by making it rain loonies. -Beep at work-
9-Perhaps they shouldve celebrated like hilary duff celebrated her engagement. -Heff in Warren -
8-Canadian team celebration. . Former president Bill Clinton heard about the ladies smoking cigars and went immediately to vancouver. -Jeremy in Rochester -
7-Canadiens should have toked some B.C. Buds out of a maple leaf bong @ centre ice. -Fusto in Garden City -
6-the canadian women's hockey team should have been considerate and moved the party to the ladies'
room so sky could feel included... -Jeff in Canton-
5-The girls canadian hockey team could've celebrated george foster style during the second intermission. -Jay-
4-pierre macguire called marie-phillip poulin the female sidney crosby. isn't that being
redundant? -Mike in Fraser -
3-the canadian woman hockey team celebrated with a good round of moose tipping. -Jasen in Grand Rapids -
2-How should they have celebrated? Dropping ecstasy and clubbing baby seals at center ice. -Matt in Brownstown -
1-how could they have celebrated? they could have made themselves new hockey sticks using
wood from half man-half maple tree. -Mark at Work-
Things you'd rather donate to, instead of Sam Riddles defense fund...
10-I'd rather donate my first born to neverland ranch. -Eli in Fraser-
9-I'd rather donate to Jon Gosselin's Ed Hardy t-shirt fund. -Lou in WSU-
8-I'd rather donate to the "Take your wife to dinner with Terry Foster... Alone" fundraiser. -Aaron on his Cell -
7-I would rather donate to the "defining talent for Tony Ortiz fund". Guest starring Team USA, Linda Cohn,
and Cheryl Miller. -Brandon at Home -
6-I'd rather donate 20 cents to Patrick Kane. -Eric at Work -
5-I rather donate to Breeders Cup so Sarah Jessica Parker can be on tv three times this year. -C in the D -
4-I'd rather donate to the 2 N Jenn breast Reduction fund. -Chris -
3-An adult film starring Janet Reno & Mark Mangino. -Jason Fry at WOrk-
2-I'd rather donate to...the Charles Barkley "5 buck box, it rocks, it rocks" poetry club. -Matt in Warren-
1-Instead of donating to Sam Riddle's defense, I would rather donate money to the Ted Williams Freon
fund. -Ben at Home-
How to help the Dali Lama become more hip...
10-You could have the group LMFAO come out with "I'm in Tibet, Trick!" as the Lama's theme song. -Jeff in Warren -
9-Other ways the Dhali Lama can be hip? Tweet about his experience with the Triplets and the Toolbox. -Javier -
8-Dali Lama more hip, put a dred lock wig on him, some reeboks, and make him wear that robe tied halfway
down around his waist. -Darren -
7-Ways the dhali llama could be more hip? He could become a trained fighter, that alone gives you
credibility. -Brandon at Work -
6-To become more hip the Lama could ditch the bald head and go with the "Bump It" look. -Rhino -
5-Change name to Dahli Gaga... -Steve-
4-The Dalai Lama could improve his wow factor by using his holy powers to fix all the UM speeding
tickets everyone is talking about. -Gord in Windsor -
3-How to up the Dalai Lama's cool factor: have Gator teach him the Bill Bonds walk. -Delmer in Cement City -
2-Change his name to Ikeia Dali-alama Francis and play de for Rod Marinelli. -Rob at Work -
1-Hipping up Lama: two words, Joepa's glasses. -Bob at Work-
Other things to do with Joe Paterno's glasses
10 - What would I do with Paternos glasses? Well I always liked burning ants so id burn elephants – Trink from the D
9 - Joe pa's glasses could aid the on-going search for Tim Tebow’s dark side – Delmer from Cement City
8 - What would you do with Joe pa’s specs: mike leach has them, now there just fat
girlfriends - Brett from Farmington
7 - What to do with Joe pa's glasses? Iron Mike plans to use them to harness the power of the sun to melt down all that scrap metal! - Dave from Southfield
6 - Nasa could place Joe pa's glasses in orbit between the earth and sun, and use them as a death ray in the event that Sam Cassel’s fellow aliens decide to invade - LV in Detroit
5 - Joe pa's glasses could be used in a survivor reward challenge as fire starting tool - Brad at work
4 - What would i do with Jopa's glasses.....use them as bullet proof glass for the neighborhood party store - Derek at work
3 - With Joe Pa's glasses, I would check the weather.... on Uranus! Bryan from Southfield
2 - What would I do with Joepa's glassed.....turn around and sell them to nasa for spare parts on the Hubbell telescope - Nick from Southgate
1 - They can use one lens to top over the Bering Straight so animals can cross all year round. – Mike from Ferndale
Ways to identify Danica Patrick is driving for NASCAR
10 - You can tell it’s her when all the other drivers are hanging out their windows screaming DAMN WOMAN DRIVERS at one car – Dave from Westland
9 - Ways to identify Danica Patrick on the oval? One of the pit crews is using pink tools that are smaller than everyone else's - Garrett in Livonia
8 - Ways to identify Danica....She'll be driver steering with her knees while fixing her makeup in the rearview mirror - Lou at work
7 - Danica Patrick has the "soccer moms are hot" bumper sticker - Jeff West Bloomfield
6 - When Danica Patrick makes a pit stop she takes 3 other female drivers into the pits with her - Dave Macomb
5 - Danica Patrick will be the one texting her 'BFF' before checking Jimmy Johnson’s facebook status on her iphone - JP @ the embassy
4 - You know Danica Patrick is racing NASCAR when you see the Motrin car racing along side the Viagra car - Brandon from Canton
3 - Danica's car? She's the one driving 55 on the left side of the track - Wheels Sterling Heights
2 - Danica’s car is the only one with a playboy bunny sticker on the bumper – Bryan from Southfield
1 - Ways to spot Danica...bush is always in front! – Tom from Sterling Heights
Other things Kim Kardashian has figured out
10 - Kim Kardashian’s has figured out that Wang is actually a baseball player for the nationals – Moose from Washington
9 - Kim Kardashian’s has figured out that Johnny Damon has never eaten octopus – Bryan from Southfield
8 - Other things Kim k. figured out...she figured out where Jimmy Hoffa is buried – Dave from Southfield
7 - Kim Kardashian’s figured out what the special sauce is on the Big Mac – Leroy from the D
6 - Kim Kardashian’s has just figured out that tiger has slept with more people than she has – Bryan from Northville
5 - Other things Kim Kardashian’s figured out? She figured out how to understand Jim 4 - Leyland when he talks – MB from Macomb
4 - Kim figured out who let the dogs out – Mark from Livonia
3 - Kim has figured out the 1 thing no one else can. Why she is famous. Seth in Waterford
2 - Kim Kardashian’s knows who shot JR - Bill at work
1 - Kim knows who shot the sheriff, but not who shot the deputy – Ian from New Haven
America hasn't been this pissed since?
10 - Since matt Millen was so rudely fired without cause from the lions – Kyle at work
9 - America hasn't been this pissed since...Kibbles the Pomeranian was robbed at the 1994 Westminster dog show! – Adam at work
8 - America has not been this pissed since Johnny damon bypassed the Greek restaurant and had Italian – Steve in Flint
7- The US hasn't been this pissed since...they closed the strops factory, stop making the marathon barand Bernie Smilovitz shaved his mustache! – Rick from New Haven
6 - America hasn't been this pissed since... ABC refused to renew fox's glow-puck – Tim from Highland
5 - We’ve not been this pissed since SJP announced her retirement after failing to get the Triple Crown – Bryant at work
4 - Americans haven't been this pissed since: Germany stole The Hoff and his high quality music from us – Bob from Livonia
3 - Since fox canceled 'Andy Richter controls the universe' – Nick from Bloomfield
2 - America hasn't been so disappointed since Iran launched their worms and punked us in the space race - Karl A2
1 - America hasn’t been this pissed since the 3 Orange County skanks lost their houses. – Dave from Canton
Headlines we can expect with Wang signing with the Nationals
10 - Nationals excited to play with Wang – Dennis from Lake Angelus
9 - Washington hoping to get a rise out of Wang! – Mike at Work
8 - Nationals pitching hole filled by Wang – Steve from Madison Heights
7 - Wang spectacular in short work, but unable to go the distance – Roger from Westland.
6 - Wang has control problem, wont last long in Washington – Brian from Waterford
5 - Wang to take the rubber in Washington – Scott from Fenton
4 - Nationals look to stiffen their rotation with the addition of Wang - John in A2
3 - Washington to insert Wang into rear of pitching rotation – Johnny from Dearborn Heights
2 - Caller Ed claims he’s bigger and better than Washington’s Wang – Bryan from Ypsi
1 - Wang leaves bad taste in Yankees mouth – Nick in AA
What to expect at the Westminster dog show?
10 - Things to expect at the Westminster dog show...Joachim Noah chew toys are expected to make a big splash this year – Chris from St. Claire
9 - What to expect at the dog show: Roger Clemens will be checking out the puppies – Nick from AA
8 - At the dog show Jessica Simpson has hired coyote snipers to patrol the area - Larry at work
7 - What to expect at the dog show: the Great Dane told the poodle that he will wear her out – Bob from Washington
6 - I’m not sure what’s going to happen, but some lucky son of a bitch will win. - Jon from AA
5 - At the dog show, you can expect the pit bull to be strutting around bragging about being a trained fighter – Ken at work
4 - What to expect to see at the dog show? Expect to see Joe Sakic there with his 3 legged dog – Cory from Garden City
3 - I expect to see Ed in the live at the dog show with first prize trophy, no dog is better than him!!!– Bryan from Southfield
2 - What to expect: that Zack Follet’s dog will pick up its own poop just to show everyone that Zack Follet does not take crap from anyone – Brett from Farmington
1 - Sydney Crosby is at the dog show with his bitch, Gary Bettman – Drew from AA
Other Oprah faux pas
10 - Other Oprah faux pas: in Vancouver she told the chick in the red sweater on NBC "Bruce Jenner, I love what you did with your hair" - Bob in Livonia
9 - She asked Kim Kardashian’s, who’s the little guy there behind you? - Jason in Saginaw
8 - Oprah told Michael Strahan he had something stuck in his teeth – Bryan from Southfield
7 - When meeting Janet Reno.. Oprah said.. What up bro – Blaise from Westland
6 - Oprah's screw-up’s..... Oprah once called a minivan a SUV – Justin from Waterford
5 - Other mistakes made by Oprah: she asked Sammy Sosa if he was a good jumper, because she heard white men can’t jump – Doug from AA
4 - Oprah fopah, she asked SJP when she would stop horsing around and make a good movie - Nick in Ferndale
3 - Other mistakes made by Oprah: she didn’t bring any Kleenex for her Allen Iverson interview. – Nick from Canton
2 - Oprah said to Stuart Scott, you know it’s rude to not look at the person talking to you! – Kyle Westland
1 - Oprah mistakes . . . asked Charlie Weiss if his pants were on backwards - Cory from Novi
What you would find at the senior citizen playground?
10 - Senior playground? God, I hope there's not a trampoline – Ben from home
9 - What can we expect? There will be a depends dispenser in the middle of the play ground – OC in Flint
8 - What we can expect from a senior citizen play ground??? The entire playing surface is a giant life alert button – Antonio from Southfield
7 - What you can expect to see at the senior’s park? Johnny Damon – AK from LA
6 - Senior citizen playground? The swings will have built in bed pans – DC from Macomb
5 - A water fountain that dispenses prune juice – Ishmael from El Paso
4 - 1 senior at the playground found a football, workout clothes, an iPod, and a note. Brett, good luck with offseason workouts, love Coach Brad. Chris in Pinckney
3 - What will they have at the senior playground? A rascal skate park – Kenny from Garden City
2 - What we can expect from a senior citizen's playground? There will be no sign of Roger Clemens hanging around...he'll be at the other playground – Cheech from Macomb
1 - After Lou Holtz went down the slide it was know as the schlip n schlide – Bryan from Southfield
What can we expect from a cat gym?
10 - What can you expect at a Kitty Gym...the locker room showers would all have curtains so the neutered cats wouldn’t feel embarrassed - Jeff from Rochester
9 - I don't know what to expect from a cat gym, but you can bet Mike Valenti will be there – Leroy from the D
8 - Things to expect: USC’s head football coach will spend sometime scouting there and introducing himself as Lane Kitten – Mike from Fenton
7 - What to expect from the cat gym...cat nips! – Roger from the D
6 - Cat gym: the basketball program features coach: John Feline – Bryan from Southfield
5 - What to expect in a cat gym? S-ca-t boras trolling for new catnip-user clients to represent – Barry Bonds from the cat gym
4 - Things to expect from a cat gym? I expect Nike will confiscate all video tapes when Garfield dunks on LeBron – Carl from Bloomfield
3 - I don't know anything about a cat gym, but in an unrelated story, SJP is coming out with a spa for horses – Bryan from Southfield
2 - What to expect from cats working out...expect the poor mice to start packing heat! – Tom from Trenton
1 - Things to expect from a cat gym: Ashton Kucther will be over by the cougars while Roger Clemens will be over by the kittens – Brett from Farmington
Other ways Johnny Damon is proving he loves Detroit?
10 - I heard Johnny Damon is having his name changed to Ocho Detro – Tom from Troy
9 - Proof Damon loves Detroit: he recently went on an Asian carp killing spree to show his dedication – Donovan from Macomb
8 - Ways Damon is proving he loves Detroit, He signs his last name with an old English D – Joe from the D
7 - Johnny Damon loves Detroit so much he is growing back his mullet so he can live downriver - Tim in the d
6 - Proof Damon loves Detroit: he hated on Chris Osgood during the regular season and then jumped back onto the ban wagon during the playoffs – DC from Macomb
5 - Damon will change his number to 313 – Pete from AA
4 - Ways Johnny Damon shows he knows Detroit? He can always be found walking around singing "drinking whiskey out the bottle, not thinking bout tomorrow – Jim from Detroit
3 - Johnny loves the d because he heard that Big Beaver in troy was slippery – Dave in Westland.
2 - Good lord, is Damon trying to join the wings or the tigers? His agent keeps talking about things he does that make him like the Wings, not the Tigers! – Adam from Waterford
1 - Johnny Damon’s commitment to Detroit is so strong that he promises the only way he won't sign with the Tigers is if another team offers him more money – Ted from Detroit
How to improve game shows?
10 - The family feud with families from the Jerry Springer show – Mike from Clarkston
9 - How to improve other game shows: have Gilbert Arenas host win, lose, or draw! – Brett from Farmington
8 - How can game shows be improved? Have Elin Woods host the show, "who wants to marry a sex addict multimillionaire?" – Jim from Brighton
7 - How to improve game shows: the amazing race will now feature SJP racing contestants. – Bob from Washington
6 - How to improve other game shows: replace Fear Factor with the Follet factor – Dave from Westland
5 - How to improve game shows? Are you smarter then Lane Kiffins 5th graders? – BP from West Bloomfield
4 - Ways to improve game shows. Lance Armstrong will host...it takes two! – Tim from Sterling Heights
3 - Are you smart enough to recruit a fifth grader; hosted by lane Kiffin – Chris from Ortonville
2 - How to improve game shows...Pictionary with celebrity guests Greg Oden and Sean Salisbury – Joe from Belleville
1 - Game show improvements? Who’s line is it anyway, with your hosts, Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown – Bryan from Southfield
What happened at peoples Super Bowl party?
10 - George Foster threw his Superbowl party last weekend – Kevin from Howell
9 - What was served at Greg Oden's super bowl party? Fruit by the foot, foot long hotdogs and foot long subs – O from Windsor
8 - People showed up to Charles Rogers super bowl party only to find a really big bowl packed with ganja – Brett from Farmington
7 - Things I saw at a super bowl party. I saw a guy get a phone # with the line "are you Egyptian?" and after closing the deal kept saying 'boosh!’ Unfortunately he closed the deal with SJP – Tom from Brighton
6 - What happened at the super bowl party? SJP got all choked up watching a commercial of her cousins pulling the Budweiser beer wagon – Dennis at work
5 - Roger Clemens’s super bowl party featured 50% of drinks if you bring your girl scout's badge number – Chris from St. Claire
4- What happened at Brett Favre's super bowl party? Not really sure what happened, but the menu consisted of waffles – Bob from Washington
3 - What happened at Charles Rogers' super bowl party? Not really sure what happened but the menu consisted of Doritos, Mountain Dew and a nap – Justin from Waterford
2 - Roger Clemens had a great party planned, but when he arrived Chris Hanson was the only one there – Ron from AA
1 - What was at other people's super bowl parties? Well, there sure wasn’t any finger food at Joe Sakic's party! – Dave from Southfield
What esle is Johnny Damon demanding?
10 - Damon is also asking for two turn tables and a microphone so he knows "where it's at" – Andy from Oscoda
9 - Other things Jonny Damon is asking for: all the porta-potties in Comerica park to be referred to as Jonny’s – John from St. Claire Shores
8 - Damon wants the American League to expand the DH rule to include a designated thrower – Errol from Flint
7 - Other things Johnny Damon wants: that from now on, the tigers first game at home will be called opening Daymon – Brett from Farmington
6 - Damon wants a brandy glass 3/4 full of brown M&M's before every game or he will refuse to take the field - Phil from Ypsi
5 - Other things Johnny Damon wants, who knows, but we do know SJP is a horse – Scott from work
4 - Johnny Damon wants to kiss Suzy Kolber. He could care less about the team struggling, Johnny
3 - Johnny Damon wants an invitation to T.O.’s pool party. – Donovan from Macomb
2 - Johnny Damon wants Pam Anderson to host his welcome to Detroit party, he heard her Superbowl party was off the hook - Mike from lake Orion
1 - What else does Damon want? He wants to use Faberge eggs for batting practice – Kenny from Garden City
Why did only 50 people show up to Pam Anderson's Super Bowl party?
10 - What went wrong with Pam’s party? The mouse, 2 turtles and worms had other arrangements – Nelson from Sterling Heights
9 - Why so few went to Pam Anderson’s party? They forgot the password to get in was "coast to coast like Scotty Boosh"
8 - Why no one showed up for Pam’s party? Everyone heard that Zach Follet was there with his charity concussions for Haiti. Every concussion he gives someone donates money. – Matt from Ypsi
7 - She had tomorrow's date on the invitations. Somehow, George Foster still made it. – B in AA
6 - Why didn't anyone show up at Pam’s party? Dexter Manly sent out the invitations – Jacob from Macomb
5 - Why did only 50 people go to Pam Anderson’s super bowl party? Simple, no tots! – Mike from Clinton Township
4 - Reason people didn't show up to Pam Andersons party? They heard I was gonna be there and it scared them off... Sincerely, a trained fighter
3 - What went wrong with Pam’s party...she put Roger Clemens in charge of bringing the tots – Tim from Sterling Heights
2 - Why didn't anyone go to Pamela’s party? They were giving away free buttered toast across the street. Curtis in Eastpointe
1 - Why no one came to Pam Anderson’s party: because everyone was glued to their television sets to watch the lunar landing of a mouse, two turtles, and some worms, signifying the demise of the western world as we know it. – Joe from Waterford
How can Iran show their technical superiority?
10 - Iran’s technological prowess having IPods for their goats - Steve Shelby
9 - By using only one person, to screw in a light bulb – Rob from Irish Hills
8 - Iran has found away to make SJP look less like a horse, instead, now she looks like a mule – Brett from work
7 - How Iran showed technological superiority? Record Players...followed by cassette players inside motor vehicles – DC from WB
6 - Iran has determined that technological superiority starts with sand. Lots of sand – Steve from Ferndale
5 - How is Iran superior? They are revolutionizing telecommunications with two cans and a string, the icans – Joe from Belleville
4 - HI Billy Mays here for the all new automatic camel starter only available in Iran... boosh!!! – Tom from Brighton
3 - Iran is so advanced; they made their own Wang out of flaming wood, so he can be front and center, representing their Olympic team – Rick from Taylor
2 - Iran’s porno movies are even advanced. They have two girls, one hump – Jeff from Canton
1 - Iran has discovered a way to genetically cross a horse and a human. Their test project: code named SJP seems to be doing well - Bill in Brooklyn
A Sandwich Named After A Celebrity
10 - The tiger woods: chicken, turkey, and always served on white bread – Jarnell from Warren
9 - The Zack Follett sandwich consisting of any damn thing he wants with a can of whoop ass on the side – Dave from Macomb
8 - The Nancy Kerrigan. A clubbed sandwich – Kenny from Garden City
7 - Name for a sandwich? The SJP which is a roast beef with extra horsey sauce – Trevor from Northville
6 - Sandwiches named after other people... the "Zack Follet"... one whole chicken, pounded flat, sandwiched between 2 pieces of plywood, topped with lettuce, tomato, and smelling salts – Dennis at work
5 - Other sandwiches: The Barry Bonds is a French Dip minus the meat and bread, its ALL JUICE! – Deuce in Farmington
4 - The Gilbert Arenas sandwich would actually be your choice of a turkey on rye, ham & cheese or boiled bologna...pick one. – Meryl from St John
3 - Gary Bettmen would like to be sandwiched between Crosby, Crosby, with an extra side of Crosby. And some Sidney’s to go...and would like to wash it all down with a Malkin shake – Scott at work
2 - The Phil Michelson sandwich is a happy meal that comes with a pickle wedge. from Hank from Clawson
1 - The Tim Tebow - layers of wounded duck best served after the draft – Corey from Work
Why did the dog shoot the man?
10 - I don't know why the dog shot the man, but Gilbert Arenas was a friend of the dog, so we know where he learned to shoot from. Scott from Port Huron.
9 - Why did the dog shoot the man? Because he already shot the sheriff – Brian from Novi
8 - Why did the dog shoot the man? Payback for the neuter!! – Dale from Novi
7 - Why did the dog shoot the man? The man told the dog that he was going to do it "horsey-style" with SJP – Bob from Washington
6 - Why the dog shot his owner...he was being taken to the vet to remove his Denard Span! – Tim from Sterling Heights
5 - Why did the dog shoot the man? It was due to his inability to adapt to life outside the pen, he was willing to commit any crime to get sent back in. – Smudge from Dearborn
4 - Why did the dog shoot his owner: because hitting him with a rolled up newspaper wouldn't have gotten the message across. – Brett from Farmington
3 - Why did the dog shoot the man? If you were the dog, what would you do? The man was a "trained fighter". – Jim from Brighton
2 - Why did the dog shoot his owner? The dog found the owner's cell phone and went all Elin on his ass!! – Gutter from Westland
1 - Why did the dog shoot the man?.... not sure, and I don't want to raise concerns but look out for the new TERRORIST DOGS! - Matt from Dearborn
Why Did LeBron Kick The Water Bottle?
10 - The water owed LeBron money from the poker game the night before. Before the game LeBron brought four camels to the water's locker with a sign around ones neck that said, 'pick one.' – Jeremy from Toledo
9 - LeBron kicked the bottle because the bottle said he could save a bunch of money on his car insurance by switching to Geico - from matt in Canton (LeBron is a spokesmen for State Farm)
8 - LeBron kicked the bottle because the bottle told LeBron that it will wear him out. - Steve from Oak Park
7 - LeBron kicked the water bottle because someone switched it with his Franks Red Hot. We all know he puts that sh#t on everything. - From John in Adrian
6 - LeBron was showing Nick keading how it's done 1 kick 1 score to end the game. Jason from Chesterfield
5 - Why did LeBron kick the water bottle, I don’t know but LeBron better be careful. That water bottle may be a trained fighter. - Gary from Garden City
4 - The water bottle disrespected his teammate by touching the shaq-tus – Bryan from Southfield
3 - Why did LeBron kick it: the water bottle referred to itself as the big arist_bottle. He was defending his teammate – Nick from Farmington Hills
2 - What did water bottle do? He called LeBron Lebronze for his history of finishing in third. Wheels from Sterling Heights
1 - What did the water bottle do...the bottle told Lebron that the girl he hooked up with last night was actually Reggie Miller, not Cheryl Miller. - Jeff from Rochester
What will Arenas and Crittenton do with their spare time?
10 - How will they fill that time, by going to the bar and doing lots of shots. Mike from Royal Oak
9 - How will they fill that time: by bothering SJP for her gun, the colt 45. – Brett from Farmington
8 - Arenas and Crittenton should spend their time off learning poker skills, and the ins and outs of lending. – Chris from Saginaw
7 - Crittenton, arenas, Greg Oden, and Grady Sizemore are going to be on the Dr. Phil show. The topic will be "athletes who do inappropriate things with their guns.” – Ron from New Haven
6 - What will they do: study old basketball film of Pistol Pete. – Footch from Farmington
5 - What will Javaris and Gilbert do with their spare time...maybe some grilling in the backyard and toss the old SJP shoes! – Tim from Sterling Heights
4 - What will Crittenton and Arenas do with all their time off? Enroll in sex therapy since both claim their guns were empty. – Errol from Flint
3 - How will they fill that time: by being a good boy in hopes that Santa will still bring them a Red Ryder BB Gun for Christmas. – Nick from Roseville
2 - Gilbert and Crittenton should just realize it's all over and saddle up on their trusty SJP and ride off into the sunset. Andrew from Flushing
1 - What are Crittenton and arenas doing with their idle time? Blowing their nose farmer-style, bark it out, hound dogs! – Dave from Detroit
How do we know the naked pictures of Greg Oden were really him?
10. Because we have a photo of Grreg jumping out of the cake at Marie Antoinette's 21st birthday. Cory from Farmington
9. He's hung like Sarah Jessica Parker. Mike from Clinton Township
8. Because his manhood is the only body part not in a cast. Grannick from Gibraltar
7. Jesus is in the background giving a thumbs up! Beeler at work
6. Because there was a sign in the background saying "so easy a caveman could do it". John from Garden City
5. In the picture he is holding up his AARP card, member number 00000000001. Ivan from Ann Arbor
4. Carbon dating puts the pictures age at 247 years old, the same day Oden turned 18. Bryan from Ypsi
3. Because his Dominican had a receding hair line. Jay from Dexter
2. He is the only person to have gone through evolution and grow a third leg. Jeff from Rochester
1. It matched the cave drawings next to the woolly mammoth fossil. Larry from Auburn Hills
How will Michigan celebrate its birthday?
10-Canada sent Michigan a 173-year-supply of its favourite gourmet snack. I understand tonight is now
$1.00 dulse night at the Joe. -Gord in Windsor -
9-How is Michigan going to celebrate? Probably start with a nice Penguin dinner, then go get his coke
from his nasa locker, make some drinks with the red bull he "borrowed" from the navy and finish the
night off by going to the strip club with his goat friend. -Kenny in Garden City -
8-What did we get for our birthday? We got Willis and Smith, when we wanted Wang and Bush. -Nick in Ann Arbor -
7-I predict for Michigan's birthday party during Steve Yzerman's speech, Kanye West will grab the
mike. "sorry Steve, imma let you finish but i gotta say, New york had the best birthday party of all
time!" -Bill in Flint -
6-How will we celebrate: SJP just cheered Michigan on, hip hip more hay! hip hip more hay! -BP -
5-what gift can people give michigan on it's birthday.... george foster sent michigan a card.....3
months ago! -Beeler at Work -
4-how will michigan celebrate... greg oden wished michigan a happy birthday by saying that 173 is
the new 65. -Matt in Warren -
3-for michigan's birthday, justin timberlake will sing the classic song: penninsula in a box. -Drew in Troy -
2-what did people get michigan for its birthday.... zack follett made a cake and baked it using only
his own rage. -Beeler at Work -
1- Michgan celebrated by sending drunken text messages to Florida telling her he was going to "wear her out!" -Kevin-
Why do Flyers bite Penguins?
10-Mike Tyson has resurfaced as the Penguin's strength and conditioning coach. -Hutch in Dearborn -
9-Why are Flyers biting Penguins? Harsh winter resulted in a bad crop of cheese steak this year.
Philadelphia farmers left desperate. -Brian in AA -
8-Why do they bite Penguins? Have you ever tried biting a Canuck. -Charlie in Grayling -
7-Why are Flyers biting Penguins? Somebody told them that Sidney Crosby has "ladyfingers". -Dennis at WOrk -
6-If you play the song "Pants on the Ground" backwards, it says "Bite penguins." -Scott at WOrk-
5-Why the Flyers keep biting the Pens: it's the closest to tasting the Cup that they'll get. -Ralf in Taylor -
4-Why did the Flyer bite the Penguin? He wanted to see if all the Penguins taste like Sydney Crosby,
Victoria's Secret body lotion.
3-Why did the Flyer bite the Penguin? One word, Turduckuin. -Ron in NH -
2-Why are flyers biting penguins... the Chick-Fil-A cows were in the crowd holding up "eat mor
pengin" signs. -Matt in Warren -
1-Hartnell just wanted to debunk the myth that Chris Letang tasted better than grape Letang. -Jason in Canton -
Why was the man having sex with the tree?
10-Why was he trying to have sex with the tree: he wanted to see its o...o....oak face. Carm in SCS-
9-Why was he trying to have sex with the tree: he wasn’t, he was trying to shake it so that Joakim
Noah would come down from it. -Brady in Farmington-
8-Im not really sure why a man tried to have sex with a tree but im just hoping he counted the rings
to make sure it was of age. -Primeau in Westland -
7-Why did the guy have sex with a tree? He asked the tree if it watering it was going to get him
closer or further away from sex. -Sport in clinton Twp -
6-Why was the guy making woopie with the tree - his friend bet him 5 pounds of coffee he wouldn't. -Arthur at Work -
5-Why he tried to have sex with a tree, His goat was at the strip club. -Jeff in Canton -
4-Why was he trying to have sex with a tree: the tree got 20 bucks,he made it rain-forrest. -Brett at Work-
3-Because the sheep refused to change the message on her voicemail. -Joe in Detroit -
2-Why would a man have sex with a tree? Hey, you try drinking $200k worth of stolen Red Bull and see
what happens! -Ron in Warren -
1-It wasn’t really a man, it was actually Smokey Bear having sex with the tree. He was heard
yelling, “I’ve done enough for you over the years, and it’s time to return the favor!” -Big Joe in Grand haven -
Who stole the Navy's Red Bull?
10. Big Baby stole the navys red bull because the navy can “blank my blank”. - Travis from Farmington hills 9. Who stole the Navy's red bull… it had to have been someone who is a trained fighter, only a trained fighter could pull off something like that. - Nick from Farmington 8. Who stole all the red bull? Red Taco! - Gordy from Auburn Hills 7. What happened to all the red bull? Hossa did, he is determined not to sleep through the playoffs this year. - Ted from Detroit 6. Who stole the Navy’s red bull, it wasn’t Najeh Davenport, he would only steal mountain doo. - Brett from Farmington 5. Who took the red bull? SJP took it, she wanted to be a Pegasus. - Kenny from garden city 4. Jim Leyland stole it, nothing goes better with a pack of marlboro’s. - Jeff from Whitmore Lake 3. Who stole the red bull? Dick Vitale stole it, he needs a case before he goes on the air every day…. AWESOME BABY!!!!!. - Sportznut from Clinton Township 2. Tiger Woods stole the red bull, he just got sick of stealing the hearts of waitresses and porn start. - Adam from Utica 1. Who stole the Navy's red bull? Evan did, the Fiat twins told Evan that they would do anything for some red bull. - Mike from Sterling Heights
Why was the goat in the strip club?
10-what else is a straight-up goat playa gonna do on a tuesday night in the middle of a three game west
coast roadtrip? -K in Brighton -
9-why did the goat break into the strip club... dwayne white's calf recommended the place saying
that the "chicks there are bangin'". -Matt in Warren -
8-it was a baaaaaaaaaacherlor party. -Mark -
7-"Hi! Billy GOAT here for Oxyclean..." -Pheonix in Sterling Heights -
6-"Hey goat! Youre in a strip club...this reminds me of my new movie, the Lovely Bones. Make it rain Goat! I like your beard...say hello to your mother for me!" sincerely Mark Whalberg. -Cinnamon on Center Stage -
5-why did the goat break into the strip club: to work on the sequel, the women who stare at
goats. -BP -
4-roman history says women would be hit with strips of goat. not for the goats to hit the strips...this goat fell asleep in class or had one too many study beers! -Tim in Sterling Heights -
3-why did the goat sneak into the strip club... he was just looking to get his buck on. -Beeler at Work -
2-give the goat a break...it has a sex addiction issue (which is unfortunate, lacking opposable thumbs
and whatnot...) -PAW in Northville -
1-why did the goat break in to the strip club? it was stevie nicks trying to get a new job. -Devon in Saline -
Why is Kelloggs stock rising?
10-Why did Kelloggs stock go up: ever since OJ Simpson was put behind bars Kellogg’s hasn’t had to
worry about any cerial killers. -Brett at work-
9-Rise in stock because of Dexter Manley's ad for Special K cereal "even I can spell it." -Jeff in Canton -
8-Kellogg's stock went up when Raisin Bran teamed up with Lance Armstrong and changed their slogan to
"One Scoop of Raisins." because Lance says "one is just as good at two." -Spooner in Bloomfield -
7-Kellogs stock went up for 1 simple reason...Zack Follet told it to go up. -Dave in Macomb -
6-It's all about the prizes in the cereal boxes, like decoder rings, color changing spoons...what not. -Nick in AA -
5-Why is Kellogg stock up - "Follett Flakes", which Snap, Crackle, and Pop your neck. -Dennis at Work -
4-Reason Kellogs stock is up...Vienna fingers in the handy four pack...Joe Sakics favorite! -Tim in Sterling Heights -
3-Reasons why Kelloggs stock went up? Sydney Crosby signed on to be a spokesman for Fruity Pepples
. . . I'm just saying. -Fahey at CMU -
2-Kellogs got Whitney Houston to endorse Cracklin' Oat Bran, cracklin' is whacklin'! -Joe in Bellville -
1-Why did Kelloggs stock go up: Wheaties new slogan, "Champions are the breakfast of Tim
Tebow." -Pebble in Farmington-
New customized Old Spice scents....
10-Old Spice new scent for Wang...smells like nutts!
9-Najeh Davenport's would smell like Love Potion #2. -Geoff in Berkley -
8-Skys cologne would be called "Bathroom Stall number 5." -Greg (not doug) at work-
7-Old Spice new releases : "Dirty, by Mark Sanchez." -Tim at Work-
6-Greg Oden's fragrance would be a mixuture of cherries, poridge and candle smoke...he says it reminds him of simpler
times from his childhood, before electricity. -Cinammon at Center stage-
5-Specific scents: Detroit Lion Stephen Petermen smells like Right Guard. -Brett Pod-
4-Mike Singletarys new cologne is called...Pants on the Ground! -Tim in Sterling Heights -
3-Roger Clemens scent would smell like Teen Spirit. -Chris in St CLair -
2-I don’t know about his Old Spice, but Hawkmaster’s apartment smells of rich mahogany. -Joseph at Work-
1-Doug Karsch's old spice smells like Greg. -Big joe in Grand Haven-
What was cocain doing in a NASA shuttle hanger?
10-Come on guys I know Amy Winehouse has a big nose, but calling it a space shuttle hangar is a small
exaggeration. -Marc in Rochester -
9-What cocaine might be doing in a space shuttle: the cocaine was actually Tim Tebow’s dandruff. -BP-
8-What cocaine might be doing in a space shuttle: there not sure but they do suspect that SJP stole
there saddle-ite. -Billy-
7-Maybe the purchase requisition for "a mirrored disco ball capable of withstanding the rigors of
space" should have been seen as a warning flag. -SKA at WOrk-
6-What's the coke doing in a shuttle hanger? Bob Gresie said is was Juan Pablo montoyas and he'll pick
it up on his way from Taco Bell. -Mike in Macomb -
5-Why was there cocaine found in the nasa hangar? Ground control to major Strawberry you forgot your
carry-on. -Jeremy in Flint -
4-...a NASA spokesman indicated the entire shuttle fleet, including the discovery, the Endeavor, the
Atlantis and the Robert Downey Jr. will be grounded until the source of the cocaine is identified. -Special K -
3-Houston I found it, no more problems. -Koy -
2-The launch engineer thought the count down was going really really slow. -Kape-
1-Why was cocaine in a space shuttle hangar...have you seen the size of the flame that comes off
the space shuttle, plus the Big Dipper...can you say freebase?? -Sak in Chatham -
How to get people to go to Buffalo...
10-ways to get people to move to buffalo: destiny child reunion for the buffalo bills bills
bills. -Garrett-
9-reasons to go to buffalo...to hear april in the...b. -Tim in Sterling Heights -
8-ways to get people to buffalo..... get a new slogan "if anything happens in buffalo, it stays in
buffalo"....because who would care. -Dave in macomb -
7-how to get more people to go to buffalo? let them know what the secret sauce is at jersey giant. -DW in Troy -
6-ways to get people to move to buffalo: rename the city pandora. -Bap-
5-how to get people to move to buffalo: change the name of the city to girlsgonewildburgh. -Mike in Hartland -
4-how do you make buffalo more appealing? loosen the town ordinance that "it rubs the lotion on its
skin or else it gets the hose again." -Jeremy in Flint -
3-With their last prospect, the Bills are finding out that you can lead SJP to buffalo, but you can't
make her coach. -Mickey in Walled Lake -
2-Better ways to attract coaches to buffalo sigh free agent hawkmaster. -Dan in warren -
1-Ways to get people to Buffalo, do a photo shoot with Vitoria's secret models wearing just ear muffs, rename
the city Muffalo. -Scott-
What happened to Michael Jacksons giraffes?
10-Who killed michales girraffes? Titos girraffes. -Scott -
9-Ray Caruth was seen in the trunk of an elephant fleeing the scene of the crime. -Jason -
8-Who killed Michael Jacksons giraffes? Joe Dumars did when he inquired about their free agency for alow post presence they killed themselves shortly after. -Steve in Madison Heights -
7-Who killed Michael's giraffes? The police aren't sure, but they found a small shard of plywood
and a piece of Danny Amendola's helmet in the area. -Dennis at Work -
6-It was me. We were just horsing around at first. Sorry, sincerely Sarah Jessica Parker. -Gabe -
5-What happened to the giraffes? Dirty Diana....know--s. -Matt in Armada -
4-The giraffes aren't dead, they're just missing. Rod Marinelli used them to drive his chariot to the
football game, right after he got off the subway and before he got on his ten-speed. -Ryan in Polk -
3-Remember when OJ played for the 49ers, did he kill Bill Walsh and the giraffes. -Ken in South Lyon -
2-Who killed the giraffes? Michael Jacksons favorite football player, Willis McGa ‘hee hee.” -BP -
1-Who killed Michael's giraffes? That hawk-master guy that Peyton Manning is always yelling
about. -Big Joe in Grand Haven-
What do people google?
10-Mark Mcgwire googled: mens freakish dress shirts - neck size:14 inches body size:48xxx. -MGD Rick in Fraser -
9-What did people Google? Brett Favre Googled.....Brett Favre. -Nostramarcus -
8-Tony Ortiz Googled pepperoni, Peyton Manning, and comic book conventions. -Marcus -
7-Zach Follett searched if it is legal to kill someone on the football field without getting a flag. -Matt in Ypsi -
6-Gilbert Arenas Googled work place jokes. -Steve in Inkster -
5-Lady Gaga googles the Almond Joy commercial so that she can use it as lyrics in her next song,
"some times you feel like a nut, sometimes you dont" ...in related news, Lindsay Lohan cant wait for this song to be
released. -Cinammon from center stage -
4-What certain people Google: Google won't search for Zack Follet because it knows you don't find Zack
Follet, he finds you. -Brighton in Pville-
3-What certain people Google: Angelina Jolie is currently Googiling suggestions on which NFL playoff
team to adopt before someone from 97.1 the Ticket does. -Brett at Work-
2-What certain people Google: Joakim Noah couldn’t click on the search engine because he ate the
mouse. -Grape Ape in Farmington-
1-What people Google: Tiger Woods Googled "how to tell if you are bi." -Pat at Work -
Where will we see Alabama's BCS trophy next?
10-I'll tell you where you won't see the National championship trophy: a dentist. Have you seen the
teeth in Alabama? unsavory. -Joey in Dewitt -
9-Where else is the BCS trophy going be displayed? The trophy is so happy to finally be displayed in
philly! *sob* -Mike in Ann Arbor -
8-The Alabama National championship trophy will be on display when SJP presents Ford with the horse
trailer of the year award. -Grannick in Gibralter -
7-I don't know where the trophy is...but you can find an impression of it in the back of the head of
the tide player responsible for the nick Saban's Gatorade bath. -Special K-
6-In your toothless grandmas Dale Earnhart shanty. -Mark P in Allen Park -
5-The BCS trophy got drunk and slept with his sister, the Rose Bowl trophy, producing a maladjusted
offspring, the Little Caesar's bowl trophy. -Karl in Westland -
4-othre places you might find alamaba's national championship trophy: inside joe tiller's mouth. -Steve in Chicago -
3-I don't know where Alabama's championship trophy will be, but to see it, I'd take a bus, train, hop
on a pogo-stick, hang-glide... sincerely Rod Marinelli. -Paul in Farmington-
2-Other places we might find the trophy: in Tony Ortiz’s sock. -Bowpie in FH-
1-The National championship was seen broken in half and used as a gravy boat and wing platter on Ricky
Bobby's dinner table. -Chris in St Clair -
What else did Jimmy Howard save?
10-What else did Jimmy Howard save last night? A warm beer for Ken Kal, but not for Doug. -Big AL in the Field -
9-Jimmy Howard saved America last night. "if you don't love, leave it!" -DW in Troy -
8-Other things that Howard saved... he single handedly saved the MAC from the Karsch & Anderson show;
between Gator disavowing Eastern and Doug’s hatred of Dan Lefevour, it needed the help. -B Rye -
7-After his 51 save effort Jimmy Howard skated off the ice and into that burning barn, opening all
of the stall gates and saving SJP and her friends from fiery doom. -Special K -
6-What else did Jimmy Howard stop? He stopped Taylor Swift mid-speech and told her Beyonce's video was
way better. -Big Joe -
5-Jimmy Howard saved Karen Newman's job when he nixed the deal with Freddie Frito and the Corn
chips. -Grannick in Gibralter -
4-What else did jimmy howard save last night: Daisy, the carmel colored
multi-poo. -Jose in SCS-
3-Jimmy Howard Saved by the Bell the Movie’s on people! -Mikey D in Sterling Heights-
2-Jewel had a hit song with "who will save your soul?" Jimmy Howard will. -Mike in Commerce -
1-What else did Jimmy Howard save last night: he could have saved Sarah Jessica Parkers son from
getting hurt last night, sorry Colt. -BP -
What peoples personalized Garmins would say...
10-Roger Clemen's Garmin would say "come on Roger, eyes on the road buddy, she's only 15." -Chris in St Clair -
9-The Lions' directions: go backwards, keep backing up, take one step foward, take 16 backwards,
repeat. -Joe in SCS-
8-What would the Proclaimers' gps say? Walk 500 miles. Then walk 500 more. Fall down at door. -Ry RY Roll-
7-What would certain people’s directions be like: Mike Gundy’s, you’re a man! your driving 40! -BP -
6-Tiger Woods directions "hey this is Tiger I need you to do me a huge favor can you
please make a right at the next light." -Steve in Madison Heights -
5-A.I.'s Garmin..."I'm so happy (sob) to be back in Philly (sob) and driving (sob) toward the Wachovia
Center to play ball (sob, sob). Turn right, man, onto Broad street (sob, sob, sob)." -Terrible Ted -
4-Pat Caputo's gps. Turn left, okay. Go straight for 2000 feet, okay, which is further than a
quarter mile, alright, but less than half a mile. Veer left, okay, you know not a full left turn
but not straight, okay. -Ryan in Polk -
3-Matthew Mcconaughey's directions: turn right then take your shirt off; turn left then take your
shirt off; go straight then.... -Jonas in Southfield -
2-sjp garmin - gallop 200 feet, then take the first hurdle on your left. -Scott at WOrk -
1-Wang's Garmin is going to say "hang a left". -Troy in Troy -
Ways to keep the carp out of our lakes...
10-We really have no chance the carp are running away from that big cat in Chicago. -Link in Livonia -
9-The best economic way to remove the carp...carpools! -Tim in Sterling Heights -
8-How to keep carp out of Michigan: get the catfish to promise them a signed autograph from there
distant cousin Joakim Noah. -BP -
7-Other ways to keep karp out of Michigan just have Tim Tebow part the lake like Moses and keep the carp on the Chicago side
-Steve in Madison Heights -
6-How to get the carp out of our lakes... tell Najeh Davenport to stop carping in our lakes, its not
a closet. -Dan in Farmington -
5-How do you keep the carp out of Michigan? Paint little clown faces on them and Gator will eliminate
that threat. -Ben in Mad Hts -
4-How to keep the carp out of Michigan....post pictures of Debbie Stabenow at all points of entry into
the state. -Al in Wixom - 3-How to get rid of the carp? Send Tim Tebow with five loaves. Problem solved. -Grannick in Gibralter -
2-Just place Sarah Jessica Parker & Nancy Kerrigan at the border. Everyone knows you can't put the carp before the horse.
-Jason-
1-Have Gilbert Arenas bring four fishing poles to Lake Michigan and leave a note for the Asian Carp that says, "Pick one." -Jeremy Toledo-
Better ways to negotiate for McNuggets...
10-Drivethru negotiation? You could step out of the car, perform a full flying kick shattering the
window, look into the camera and say "Roadhouse!". I heard it works in Quahog. -Tony in Berkley -
9-Better ways to negotiate: Patrick Kane made a visit, now McDonalds calls it a pounder with cheese,
they’ll get there quarter back after Mr. Kane receives his 20 piece. -Mike in SCS-
8-Better ways to negoitate for chicken nuggets at 6am: Travis Hennry would threaten to take his Happy
Meal business elsewhere - putting the store out of business. -Scott at Work -
7-Nugget negotiations- flash the drive-thru employee a picture Zack Follett... and
get your barbecue sauce ready! -Dan in Warren -
6-Better ways to negotiate for Mcnuggets at a drive thru.....offer a "Wally" type trade - are you
familiar with the "black taco?" -Pat in Dearborn -
5-Have plywood cutouts of Mayor Mccheese and Grimace riding shotgun as you place your order. -Lucky in The Basement -
4-Ways to negotiate for nuggets at 6am...practice your clutch-ass sales pitch on "Wii fast food window
first". -Jeff in Canton -
3-How to negotiate chicken nuggets at 6:00 am? I'd probably go with the line "ante up the
poultry, it's 11:00 somewhere, bitch!" -Chris in St CLair -
2-Hey,uh....it's Tiger, you gotta do something for me. I need some nuggets right now, this is huge, thanks. -Scott in AA -
1-better ways to negotiate: Joe Dumars offered his best player for there worst nugget. -BP -
Peoples New Year's Resolutions...
10-Greg Oden’s new years resolution: to finish his bucket list. -Brettson at the office-
9-Wine guy's resolution is to learn more kinds of wine, like Merlot, Shiraz, whatnot. -Chloe in Lake Mi -
8-New year's resolution for Chris Johnson: race the following - road runner, cheetah, sound, and
light. -JJ at Work -
7-Charles Rogers resolution is to quit smoking the ganja after the bowl season is over with. -Bently in FH-
6-Rod Marinelli's resolution is to stop digging. -Kevin in Howell -
5-Tom Dempsey resolved to put his best half-foot forward this year. -Ryan in Polk -
4-My resolution is never make fun of SJP again, even if she does lose the Triple Crown by a nose. -Mark in Oak Park -
3-Wangs new year resolution...to not be such a stiff...relax and hang out more! -Tim in Sterling Heights -
2-Verne Troyer’s resolution: to quit drinking and attend a lower case “a.a.” meeting. -BP -
1-I vow to play Wii baseball to improve my swing -Sincerely, Brandon Inge, Adam Everett.. -Nick in AA -
