10-During the circus, look for some guy with a shovel to follow nayge davenport around. -Grannick in Gibralter -
9-What can you expect from the circus: you can expect the ring leader not to say "ohio, please direct
your attantion to the center ring............" -Mark in Livonia -
8-Two carnies, one bucket of confetti. -Mark at Oak Park -
7-What to expect from the circus being at the palace? not martha reeves, who couldn't book a plane
ticket in time to make the trip from the city to auburn hills. -Brian in Novi -
6-What can we expect with the circus in town? more pictures of clowns that booker will make for
gator! -Trevor in Northville -
5-What can we expect: matthew stafford would fire footballs from the crowd during the plate spinning
act. -Beep-
4-What can we expect: tela tequila will perform on the tramp-oline. -Brett at Work-
3-What can we expect: nicolas cage would have the circus moved to la and keep all the animals as
pets. -Braydon in the Hills-
2-What to expect with the circus coming to town? evan will have a "hottest female clowns" gallery up,
like, yesterday. -DJ in Trenton -
1-Things to expect at the circus...guest ringmaster joe buck to call the action. "he sticks his head
in the lion's mouth. oops. circus over." -Errrol in Flint -

10-Things that lasted longer than A.I. in Memphis... a tray of brownies sitting in front of Tim
Lincecum and Michael Phelps. -Beeler at Work -
9-Things that lasted longer: Johnnie Mortons mixed martial arts career. -Beepo-
8-Lasted longer...gator's bit left unattended next to Doug Karsch. -Joe in Bellville -
7-Things that lasted longer then A.I. in Memphis - a member of the pipe fitters union calling Doug... -Scott at Work -
6-Mike Hart's 40 yard dash lasted longer than Iverson in Memphis. -Matt in Plymouth -
5-Things tht lasted longer than A.I. in Memphis, A.I. in Detroit. -Dan in Warren -
4-Things that last longer...: a game of 1-on-1 basketball, Karsch vs Anderson...first person to
1-point wins. wait.. that game would take forever. -Devon in Walled Lake -
3-Things that lasted longer thatn A.I. in Memphis: Magic Johnson's late night tv show. (don't
remember it? ...didn't think so.) -Tom in AA -
2-Things that last longer than A.I.: a pack of diapers at the Henry residence. -MJ at Work -
1-Things that lasted longer than Iverson in Memphis? The dryness of a Lou Holtz owned microphone. -Brian in Novi - 

10-"Hi, you're Kate? Hi Kate, Im John...how YOU doin?!" -Deke in SCS-
9-Better descions then Bellicheck going for it...crossing the streams, feeding Gizmo after midnight,
and seeing if those bastards can do 90. -SWork -
8-Two-N Jenn having her balloons deflated is a better decision than Belichick's 4th and 2. -Errol in Flint-
7-Better decisions, "Sure we'll open up against Appalachin State!" -Scott at Work-
6-Better decisions: Sammy Sosa’s decision to change face moisturizers. -BP -
5-Better idea than going for it on 4th and 2. Asking Shaq to go on a double date with you and your
wife. -Ian in Romulous -
4-Better decision "you know, I think we have room to get around it." said the captain of the Titanic. -Mike in Pincikney -
3-Hey Christine Beaty, why dont we text eachother, no one will see those! -Joe-
2-Better decision, Greg Oden declining to get a patent for the invention of fire. -JB-
1-Better decision...lying to the callscreener. geeeeesshh! -Joe in Bellville -

10-Other things at the ambassador bridge opening -- joe paterno was happy he could celebrate his 50th
birthday in canada. -Scooter-
9-Things at the ambassador bridge opening: wine guys grandpa announced that now we can now get into
canada with tunnels, bridges ... what not. -Scott at Work -
8-80 year ago, just after the ambassador bridge opened, charlies weis was underneath demanding goats,
chickens, etc before people could pass over. -Charles in W Bloom -
7-80 years ago when the bridge opened, sarah jessica parker pulled the first carriage across. -AJW at Work -
6-At the ambassabor bridge decadcation, doug's grandfather snatched the microphone away from a man who
was trying to thank the pipefitters union for their hard work. -DP at Work -
5-Rod Marinellis father was at the dedication ceremony, preaching to people about water level. -Pidge-
4-The opening of the ambassador bridge was tarnished when u.s. customs arrested some canadian guy who
tried to drive a mini-wagon full of dulse into the country. -Grannick in Gibralter -
3-Things that happened: lou holtz gave a speech at the grand opening, hence the detroit
river. -Brapple-
2-Things that happened when the ambassador bridge opened: they wanted to call it the denard span, but
someone said "that's nuts". -JC at Work -
1-Things that happened at the bridge dedication... gator's great grandfather, during a quiet
moment, belted out: pick it up bridge!! you gotta want it bridge!!! -Matt in Warren -

10-benefit of being in the hockey hall of fame: reimbursement for cab fares, including tips of up to 20
cents, alleviating the need for exact change. -Tom in Warren -
9-Unknown perks of being in the hockey hall of fame.... the buffet at the ceremony is outstanding!
black truffles, black forest ham, black bean soup, black tacos. -Dennis at Work -
8-Lesser known benefits of being in the hall of fame: you get a promise from zack follet to not be
decapitated during the following calendar year. -PP at Work-
7-Benefits of Hockey H.O.F....Right of first refusal to Sean Avery's sloppy seconds! -Scott-
6-You get a free weekend pass to "patrick roy's son's unnecessary, over the top ass beating camp. -Chris in St CLair -
5-NHL hall of famers receive a pair of hanson brothers shades courtesy of estrada. -Delmer in Cement City -
4-Benefits of hockey hall of fame? once a week mullet care. -Pete in Sterling Hts -
3-Other benefits: the hockey hall of fame was inducted into tim tebow. -Bape in the Hills-
2-Lesser known benefits of being in the nhl hall of fame: you get a picture of mike babcock's
hair....signed by his hair. -Paul in Hartland -
1-The year's nhl hall of famers will receive a sydney crosby hat trick: a dive, an empty net goal and
a blue ray copy of ice castles. -Terrible Ted -

10-ways to tell lincecum was smokin the pot...when he was asked to step out of the car...michael phelps
fell out! -Tim in Sterling Heights -
9-signs...when the manager would ask him why he couldn't go another inning he would reply, "because I think
i'm dead." -Joe B -
8-we should have known tim lincecum was on the pot when he kept saying "oh no, wait, i didn't mean that, lemme do that again" whenever he walked a batter. -Steve in Sterling Heights -
7-signs that lincecum was on the pot: he came to training camp on his wicked skateboard and wearing a
ricky williams jerseys and a back pack with a huge bag of doritos, a high time magazine and a travel
brochure for amsterdam. he was heard in the dugout saying royal with cheese duuude. -Jim in Flat ROck - 
6-ways we should have known that lincecum was a pothead....instead of watching film on hitters , he
was watching barry bonds run around screaming dude wheres my clear, and cracking up. -Ralph at Work -
5-how could they tell: during the counting portion of the sobriety test tim lincecum counted 1 2 3 4
take your base offcer. -Hayden at Work-
4-he kept telling his teammates that instead of using pine tar, he has even better sticky icky. -Cooz in Monroe - 
3-signs that tim lincecum was using the pot: he was always good at laying down a
blunt. -Bentley-
2-Signs he was high, he'd drape Towlie over his shoulder in between innings. -Scott-
1-sings that tim lincecum was using pot: when tim would ask what inning it is, he would always pull
out 30 bucks everytime someone told him it was the bottom of the eight. -Bruce-

10-New marketing campaign for 7-11: "tired of getting sick from our month-old burritos and hot dogs?
try all-new getting sick from alcohol poisoning instead!" -Karl in Oxford -
9-7-11's wine marketing idea - they will be changing their name to "amy's winehouse." -Jay dog in Virginia -
8-7-11, will offer a value deal, with a big gulp boones complete with sharp cheddar cheese combos. -Steve at Work -
7-Finally, it will be classy to eat a Slim Jim while drinking wine. -JF-
6-Slushee-bombs slushee-bombs slushee-bombs... -Antonio at Work-
5-At 7 11 its merlo"tt" not merlot. -Jason-
4-Don't be fooled....they are just re-labeling expired Snapple. -Geyer-
3-I dont know about 7-11 wine, but sarah jessica parker looks like a horse. funny, no? -Pete in Garden City -
2-Some 7-11 cheap wine brands 1. two grapes, one cup. -Jeff in Canton -
1-What to expect from 7/11... their new best selling wine brand, follett farms, doesn't give
hangovers, it gives concussions! -Dennis at Work -

10-that dearborn cop is handing out brownies. one bite and not only will you be dead but you'll
suddenly want to know how the red wings are doing. -Joe in Bellville -
9-what are certain people giving away: lane kiffin is giving scholarships to any kid who dresses up in
football pads. -Beeby-
8-nguyễn thị bích thủy is giving out thai bean custard with his picture in the contaniner along
with a copy of his new luk thong album, of course! -Jeff in Windsor -
7-what are people doing for halloween? kanye west is going to a local elementary school to make sure
that the girl dressed like taylor swift doesn't beat the girl dressed like beyonce in the costume
contest. -DJ in Trenton -
6-what are people giving out for halloween? zack follett is giving out jawbreakers...not the candy,
he's just tackling any crumpacker who comes to his door. -Dennis at WOrk -
5-what other people will pass out on halloween...charlie weis will pass out i.o.us. -Tim in Sterling Heights -
4-doug will be handing out turkey sandwiches made on whole-grain bread with dijon mustard, bean
sprouts and gouda cheese...from the back of his mini-van. -Terrible Ted -
3-what are certain people giving away: walter sharpe will give away anything just as long as he can
see some of those pillow cases kids use to carry candy. -Brady in Farmington-
2-gator is handing out dr. scholls' inserts so every kid can do the bill bonds walk. -Errol in Flint -
1-what do certain people give out: little kids give away there candy to tim
tebow. -Benny-

10-Because of the all press that Larry received, he became pretty cocky. I mean this lobster basically thinks
of himself as like, the Godhonnuman, you know, playing Tekraw with a group of sea monkeys in the mural
at Tay Krotraw. -Avie -
9-larry will hit the ocean and chase tail with his new pick up line... "linda, that's a lovely name...
is that crustacean?" -B Rye at Work -
8-what will the 70 year old larry do: return to the person who has raised him since the day he was
born, greg oden. -Blapper in Farmington-
7-what will larry the lobster do when he gets home? he returned to find he had been evicted from his
home, so he had to crash over at tyler crabsky's basemen. -Brian in Novi -
6-what would larry the lobster do once he returns to the ocean? black oyster, black crab, black fin,
black taco. -Alan C -
5-what will larry the lobster do when he gets back to the wild: larry's gonna do some clam bombs, clam
bombs, clam bombs!!! -Weasel at Work  -
4-the first thing larry the lobster will do is dive into the hot tub with la flaca -- only to be eaten
by el gordo. -Gord in Windsor -
3-what will larry do.he will try and be a friend on gators face book...no not you gator
a real gator! -Tim in Sterling Heights -
2-Denard robinson went to throw larry the lobster back in the ocean, but it was immediately
intercepted and run back to the restaurant. -Dennis at Work-
1-What will larry do: tell his mother mark whalberg says hi. -Brad P-

10-What's next after mark mcgwire becoming a batting coach?...sammy sosa will open a
english-as-a-second-language school in corktown. -Grannick in Gibralter -
9-Hiring mark m is kinda like having johnny monnie morton teach you how to fight. -Brayer in P town-
8-Hiring mark is kinda like: hiring steven a. smith to be a librarian. -Gunner at Work-
7-Mcgwire as a hitting coach is like najeh davenport narrating a potty training video...  -Jeffy in Shelby-
6-Hiring mark mcguire as a hitting coach is like hiring wine guy to be a pitching coach. "you got a
fastball, curve ball, whatnot." -Chloe in Warren -
5-Mcgwire as a hitting coach is like kathy bates replacing la flaca in the hot tub. -Delmer in Cement City -
4-It's like jim leyland being voted in as the surgeon general by an unanimous decision. -Eugene Johnson -
3-Naming mark mcgwire st. louis's hitting coach is like naming b.u.s.t guy president of the matt
stafford fan club. -Geof in Northville -
2-Hiring mcgwire as your hitting coach is like having gator be in charge of the facebook "everyone is
your friend" campaign. -Jason in Troy -
1-Hiring mark m is kinda like asking jessica simpson out to a pheonix coyotes
game. -Vippy in Farmington-

10-things less painful watching beyond the glory the carlos quentin version. -Mike at Work -
9-less painful...getting punched in the jeans is painful, but not as painful as msu's loss. -Joe in Bellville-
8-things less painful: giving birth, to mark mangino. -Bup in Farmington-
7-Climibing a chain link fence and your denard span gets caught at the top! -Keith at home-
6- Finding out that your Hai Tai lectrum bum has been having an inter office affair with the same technical deligate
that has been known to purposely throw calls in meaningless games because people are betting on him. -Avie at work-
5-Getting reprimanded by Bigby while he slowly undresses...-Kevin-
4-things less painful: listening to steven a. smith talk while wearing a hearing aid. -Brandt in the hills-
3-things less painful: being any body part of calvin johnson’s. as for anquan bolden, he knows no
pain. -Bauer in SCS-
2-whats less painful than msu loss to iowa? doing the nasty with sjp. shes a horse for crying out
loud! -Steve at Work -
1-things more painful....black eye, black bruise, black plauge, black taco!!! -Beeler at WOrk -

10-The northwest pilots became distracting trying to answer the question: if black boxes can survive a
crash, why not build the whole plane out of the same stuff? -Delmer in Cement City -
9-The pilots were distracted by one of gator's drives from arcadia bluffs that almost hit them. -John in Sterling Heights -
8-They were distracted because Kanye broke into the cockpit and said, "Imma let you finish this flight, but the
co-pilot is the best pilot in this place!" -Ace-
7-M Effen snakes on this m effen plane! -Sammy-
6-The pilots were distracted by the sky, not the actual sky, but sky the dj, she kept texting them to
come to mecdeshnahi. -Beep-
5-The pilots were distracted because they were in a heated debate regarding the theory of evolution
vs. the belief in tebow. -Mike in Royal Oak -
4-What distracted the pilots? they where discusing some of the fabled things in east dakota, such as
brett fare, denard's span, whatnot. -JC at Work -
3-I heard that the pilots missed the airport because they couldn't see past the suction cup joakim
noah hanging in the window. -B Rye -
2-The pilots were arguing over if the saturn outlook is indeed a minivan. -Matt in Plymouth - 
1-It was because of the heated debate, Black Pilot, Black box, Black beverage cart, Black plane, Black Taco! -hellen-

10-Much like those audio greeting cards,every dollar will now have audio of wally trying to trade up to
a five dollar bill. "have you seen my watermark? i'm an up and commer babe." -JB in the ville-
9-How to make american money worth more? use doug's strategy and go into denial ....it's not a 5, it's
a 50!!!! -Ryan in Westland -
8-Offer the dollar bill in various colors, reds, whites, whatnots. -Joe in Bellville -
7-The dollar could always claim to be driving an suv instead of admitting to the world he's rolling in
a mini-van... see if that works. -B Rye -
6-How to make american money worth more? get masking tape, and doctor your money by taping higher
numbers on your money. -Ryan in Westland -
5-The value of the dollar can be increased by making the 1 bigger and more prominent, and also by
giving george washington and angry eye. -Karl -
4-Ways to increase the value of the dollar: quit spending so much, money doesn't grow on half man half
trees ya know. -Brantley-
3-Ways to help the dollar's value: have lebron james sit down and have a talk with it. -TP -
2-Ways to increase the value of the dollar? have gator talk to whoever determines the value of the
dollar, since he probably went to school with the guy or maybe his son. -Brain in Novi -
1-Raise the dollar? tape it to the thing below steve phillips' birthmark, and have some ugly co-eds
walk in the room....that will really raise the dollar! -Jason in Naperville -

10-Scott Tolzien will carve a hand in his pumpkin this year so he will have something to high-five. -Erik at Work -
9-Steve Philips' stalker didn't carve a pumpkin but instead decided to carve the philips' family dog. -JB-
8-Gator carved his pumpkin in the likeness of a girl, pumpkin immediately says "we're just friends,
just friends." -Joe in Bellville -
7-Alan Iverson was going to enter a pumpkin in a carving contest, but then he remembered his pumpkin
would have sit on the bench to be judged, so he faked a wrist injury and withdrew from the
competition. -Landon in Shelby -
6-Wally offered to trade his pumpkin for a Christmas ornament and some heart candies, what do ya say
babe? Pumpkin is an up and comer! -Kal in Westland -
5-Albert Einstein first had to figure out the ratio of the pumpkin's circumference to its diameter,
which of-course turned out to be pumpkin pie. -Brett Pod -
4-Zack Follett would carve life-size replicas of his teammates out of 2000 pound gourds. -Gary at Work -
3-When wine guy carves pumpkins, you get alot of variety...happy face...scary face...whatnot... -Brian in Troy -
2-Denard Span would carve two pumpkins, and would move them closer to each other on chilly nights. -Scott at Work -
1-God Carved a pumpkin, now its quarterbacking at Florida. -Scott-

10-What to expect when the Shock move to Tulsa... Zack Follett will replace the team with plywood
cutouts...attendance rises 200%. -Denny-
9-They will change their name from the Tulsa Shock the the Tulsa Indifference. -Jason-
8-Things to expect from the Shock moving to Tulsa....interest in the Detroit Demolition will increase
by zero! -Jason in Troy -
7-With the Shock leaving, the Palace no longer has to buy oats whenever Diana Taurasi visits. She's
worse than SJP! -Tim in Livonia -
6-Tatum Bell, who volunteered to assist in the Shock's move had this to say about the
move, "my wife is going to love all this stuff". -Jim in AA -
5-What to expect with the Shock leaving town: season ticket holders rally to protest... in a
phonebooth outside the Palace. -Matt in Plymouth -
4-What to expect with the shock leaving? That it'll be our fault. We didn't support them enough or
comfort them after a loss or take out the garbage or fold the towels the right way... -B in Novi -
3-What to expect now that the Shock are moving to Tulsa... Wisconsin's Scott Tolzien is so excited
about the move, but can't find anyone to high-five about it. -Dennis at Work -
2-Things we can expect: that they will just take the Shocks jersey, put tape over the word Detroit,
and write in Tulsa with a magic marker. -Brett at Work-
1-Things we can expect: that tela tequila moved there after reading tulsa backwards...then Deshawn Stevenson will
get the word Tulsa tattooed on his neck leaving Tela Tequila to think that he did it in her honor. -Porter in FH-

10-The balloon might be able to be used to tote Christmas gifts to the Henry household, I'm pretty sure
it's big enough. -Chris in St CLair -
9-What will happen to the balloon: Jeff rRed will live it in and have himself a nice little tool
bag. -Danny online-
8-What's next for the balloon? SJP is going to race it back across the state of Colorado. -Mark in Roak -
7-What to do with the balloon...a great cover for Dougs mini van! -Tim in Sterling Heights -
6-The balloon will be converted to an opera house for the Michigan marching band. -Errol in Flint -
5-Give the balloon to Rod Marinelli to get to the game so he no longer has to hitchhike, take a
bus, walk.... whatnot. -Jim at Work -
4-What is going to happen to the balloon now: Tim Tebow will wear it as a
condom. -Bloop-
3-What to do with the balloon? I hear Kim Kardashian's in the market for a whoopie cushion... -Dan in Warren -
2- Aretha Franklin is eyeing it for the next innauguration. -Jimmy in Canton-
1-What to do with the balloon now? Use it as the backdrop in a Robin Meade playboy photo
shoot... -Dennis at Work -

10-Things not as good as nick lidstrom: brandon inge is good, curtis granderson is better but not as
good as lidstrom. -Link in Novi -
9-Nick lidstrom is better than the "day at the office" video you have on your website. now that's
powerful! -Guy in Novi -
8-Pasta and candles are great, but not as great as nick lidstrom! -Joey in Farmington -
7-Mike babcocks hair is good but..ya know what no! -Bopper in Farmington-
6-Things not as good as Lidstrom, Balloon boys hiding skills. -Steve at Work-
5-Watching the destruction of east dakota's metrodome live in tyler chesky's
basement...awesome! but not as good a nick lidstrom. -Dennis at Work -
4-Zach follett watching comercials of jone's big ass truck storage with tim tebow in tyler chesky's
basement while drinking magic hat no. 9 and listening to will tieman is awesome. but not as good as
nick lidstrom. -Steve in Troy -
3-ABC changed there am tv news show to “morning america” because Lidstrom is so
good. -BP-
2-Things not as good as nick lidstrom - gator doing the bill bonds walk to the nhl awards
song.. -Rich at Work -
1-Rescuing a caramel colored multi-pooh from the jaws of a coyote, returning it to it's owner and
recieving an evening of "manly gratification" as your reward would be great, but not as great as
nick lidstrom. -Justin in Clinton Twp -

10-dan orvlosky would be appointed for the department of “safety.” -Bryan G-
9-what other roles could athletes be appointed? none for joe sakic, he can’t a point at
anything. -Snoop in Farmington-
8-walter herman would be appointed for the department of defense. -Brandt P at Work-
7-other titles to give certain athletes? zach follett would be appointed to director of all plywood
related activity and beheadings. -Brian in Novi -
6-sjp didn't want to be in charge of anything serious, so she's in charge of horseplay. -Mark in Westland -
5-tom dempsey was put in charge of collecting sweetest day cards, unfortunately it didn’t take very
long to fill half a shoe box. -Bloop in SCS-
4-ahtlete's titles: ted williams was named "head of the department". -Matt in Warren -
3-George Foster will be assigned the chied of the "head start program." -
2-other posts for athletes in detroit... marian hossa has been appointed to the city's party planning
committee. he can provide everything but the cups. -DJ -
1-zack follett doesn't have a title, the city just shines the spotlight in the air when they need his
help. -Donnie in Dearborn -

10-Joe sakic watches 8 is enough before games. -Kal in Westland -
9-Sarah jessica parker only watchs "mr.ed", not only for inspiration but life skills as well. -Matt in Romeo -
8-Other tv shows people watch: gunther cunningham watches old shows of macgyver to figure
out how to make something out of nothing. -Sparky in detroit -
7-Mike singletary makes the entire 49ers team watch pants off dance off at halftime. -Mike in Ferndale -
6-I'm not sure what allen iverson watches for motivation, but one show he definitely avoids is reruns
of "the practice". -Jason in Troy -
5-Joakim noah is a huge heathcliff fan. that's right heathcliff, not garfield. -Scott at WOrk -
4-Zach follett doesnt watch tv before games because all tvs turn themselves off when he enters the
room. -KW-
3-Other shows: travis henry watches how i met your mother, and your mother, and your
mother. -Beep in FH-
2-Before a game, zack follet watches "saw 6" on his plywood-screen tv. -Grannick in gibralter -
1-what shows people watch for inspiration... tim tebow doesn't need inspiration, tv shows watch him
instead. -Matt in Warren -

10-Problems columbus would run into: his bad credit would cost him his discover
card. -Frad in SCS-
9-Columbus would have to find out that the town that bears his name is full of white trash, drunk
rednecks, hairless nuts, and a weird midget that wears a sweater vest. -Nick in Macomb -
8-Columbus and the crew would have landed at hooters, and discovered nothing else. -Rob in Gaylord -
7-Problems with columbus discovering america today? even though there would be video evidence to
prove columbus did discover america, randy marsch would say that the video is inconclusive and
therefore he stands by his original call that columbus didn't discover america. -Brian in Novi -
6-Problems columbus would run into... zack follett would send the santa maria back with a crew of
plywood sailors and a note saying "stay out, home of the Ziger". -Matt in Warren -
5-Columbus would have to deal with kanye west telling him great job, but amerigo vespucci was one of
the greatest explorers of all-time. -Mikey in the Heights -
4-If columbus discovered america today, he would roam through east dakota and decide it wasn't worth
the trip. -Delmer in Cement City -
3-If columbus did not discover america, then the city where ohio state is located would be called by
it's correct name....craphole, ohio. -Tim in Farmington -
2-Problems columbus would run into: greg oden is busy playing basketball so he wouldn’t be able to
help out like he did back in 1492. -Bran-
1-Columbus wouldve gotten distracted by modern technology and made a YOUTUBE video, "Yea Im wearing a new pleated
overcoat and tights, and all my boys got the same pleated overcoat. Yea I grunt when I discover new lands, so that
everyone there knows how jacked and tan I am. HUWHAT! Im gonna grind on every pilgrim girl I see on this island.
Maize! Maize! Maize!" -Deke AV in SCS-

10-nfl implements new "zach follet" rule to curb on field beheadings. -Chad - 
9-future follet headlines: zack follet to replace billy mays, “hi zack follet here, buy this product
or else.” -Brayden P-
8-18 people survive train accident, then immediately eaten by zack follett proving that he finishes
everything he starts, and has no mercy for the common man. -DC at Work-
7-in new episode of man vs food, adam richman breaks world record in most pancakes eaten, then
followed by zack follett eating him. judges baffled. -Damian in Clarkston -
6-future follet hadlines: zack follet chooses his pads to introduce him at the pro football hall of
fame induction ceremony. -Milan at BP-
5-president follet trades east dakota for new brunswick and seven sheets of plywood. -Delmer in Cement City -
4-new zack follet headlines. lumber shortage grips metro detroit as coffin production in creases at
follet industries. -Murf in Chesterfield -
4-follett tackles economic issues, economic issues placed on ir. -DJ in Trenton -
3-chuck norris missing - follett questioned. -Kevin at WOrk -
2-follett returns interception for game winning touchdown, eats the ball instead of spiking thinking
its a baby. -Jeff in Ann ARbor -
1-future follet headlines: zack follet cover of madden 11 debut’s, madden suffers injury shortly
afterwards. -Brett at Work-

10-other ways to make minn. miserable: all adult males will now have their denard span posted on
facebook, myspace, what not. -Dwayne in Eastpoint -
9-how do we get a payback on minnesota? send pacman jones to remake purple rain. -Gord in Windsor-
8-ways to punish minnesota: have thier football team get caught on a boat with drugs, alcohol, and
strippers. oh wait nevermind. -Jon B -
7-give minnesota kwame kilpactick. -Jim in Sterling Heights -
6-ways to punish minnesota: have joakim noah euthanized, that would at least upset his favorite
player, joe meower. -BP -
5-ways to get back at minnesota? start zack follet next time we play the east dakota vikings. he will
punish their quarterback, whose name eludes me right now. -Tom -
4-ways to punish the twins: replace the twins logo with a picture of andre smith's
"twins". -Trev D-
3-how to get back at minnesota...we could painfully torture each man by slowing increasing their da
nard span. -Ken at Work -
2-ways to punish minnesota? trade the whole state to canada for a bag of balls, a pouch of big league
chew, and windsor. winsdor is an up and comer. -Ken in ALmont -
1-ways to punish the twins: start a nation wide campaign to call them the twinkies...and then let
charlie weis loose in the clubhouse. -Lawson in Troy -

10-Better places to play then the metrodome? any place that your gaurenteed to tear your meniscus. -Fahey at CMU -
9-Inside Tom Dempsys mailbox is a better venue. -Avie in SCS -
8-Better venue: a cryogenics lab, it would add a whole new meaning to the rally monkey when they start
firing monkey wrenches at your head. -Brett-
7-Better venue: the twins home, not minnesota but the twins where every time you round a bag you have
to barf in it. -Big hitter in the D-
6-Better venue for todays game, rod marinelli's tunnel. -Ken at Work -
5-Better venues to play in - joe tiller's mouth. we could finally find out what's in that thing. -Ryan in Polk -
4-Better places then the metrodome? well, now that we know where "denard span" is, they should play
there. -Tony -
3-It would have to be a double header....but two games in one cup would be a better venue than the
metrodome. -Joe in Troy -
2-Better venues? lindsey lohan can't decide if it should be at busch stadium. one minute she says
she loves busch stadium, the next minute she's changed her mind. -RP-
1-Ron jeremy's denard span would be a better place to play tonight's game. -Joe in Troy-

10-Where did all the fans go during intermission? they weren't all swedes, you know the old saying:
you're russian to get into the bathroom, you're russian to get out of the bathroom, but while you're
in the bathroom, european! -Tom Downriver -
9-They exit the stadium in sweden to eat because they all get hungry thinking of swiss cheese given
the goals the wings gave up. -Tom in Livonia -
8-They all went to the concourse to see the intermission act, "two swiss misses, one mug." -Con in Shores-
7-Where did the fans go? At the end of each period they would shake the globe
and it takes a while for the fans to float back into their seats. -Larry T-
6-Where did all the fans go: they were just practicing an emergency evacuation procedure in the case
of sam cassell mistaking the globe for planet earth and trying to destroy it. -Buppy-
5-Where did all the swede's go during intermission: they were enjoying some fine swedish chocolate,
you know, dark, milk, and whatnot. -Paul in Hartland -
4-The crowd at the wings/blues game left because they announced someone driving a volvo station wagon
left their lights on. -Terrible Ted -
3-During the intermissions the hit show "so you think you can clog"was there. -Jon-
2-All the swedes went to the get a free autograph from ray bourque bourque bourque. -Jim at Work -
1-They were getting autographs from Ikea Alama-Francis. -Bill in New Hudson-

10-obama offered to have ex-blackhawk jeremy roenick give a tour of chicago to memebers of the olympic
committee because he has some free time, doesn't he? -Jeff at work -
9-obama could promise that ozzie guillen will teach the athletes how to effectively swear in english
during their press conferences. -Rob in Plymouth -
8-obama offered to have ex-blackhawk jeremy roenick give a tour of chicago to memebers of the olympic
committee because he has some free time, doesn't he? -JW-
7-obama said "sure brandon inge's hometown would be a decent place for the olympics, but curtis
granderson's hometown would be so much better!" -Joe in Troy -
6-obama will offer unlimated use of al capones vault to the east german womans team to hide their face
shaving cream and illegal steriods. -Don in Garden City -
5-how obama enhanced chicago's bid? he was the only representative that could make a reference to
committee member dick pound, and keep a straight face. -JD at WOrk -
4-ways to enhance chicago’s bid: they will have urgeth urbina light the torch. -BP -
3-ways to enhance chicago’s bid: lindsay lohan plans on participating in the
bi-athlon. -Breegan in F Hills-
2-ways to enhance chicago’s bid: hey, watching joakim noah chase that birdie around during the
badminton competition should be pretty damn entertaining. -Mundt in SCS-
1-I was going to suggest obama use ted williams head to promote chicago...but them being out now threw
a monkey wrench in that! -Tim in Sterling Heights -

10-what were t.o and yom cruise talking about? i am not sure what the rest of the conversation was
about, but at the end i heard tom cruise say, "yeah, i have a pair of jeans... want to play a little
beach volleyball?" -Pauly in Huntington Woods -
9-what did to and tom cruise talk about. hey tom, remember that movie you were in where you played a
high school football player? yeah, did you kill bill walsh?  -Mark in Oak Park-
8-tony started talking about the silver surfer and the x-men, and tom cruise interrupted him and said
"do you know scientology can cure dorkiness." -Ken at Work- 
7-Tom Cruise taught Tony how to sniffle & cry like in Top Gun. Tony then put it into practice after the
game was over. -Jason-
6-tony was getting tips from tom cruise on how to do a dance in a white button down and his underwear
to celebrate the lions victory! -Katie at Work -
5-Ortiz just kept telling him "ten minutes til Whoppner...ten minutes. Ten minutes til Whoppner." -Deke-
4-what did to and cruise talk about: the existence of sam cassell's. -Bradley Pott-
3-They didnt talk much because Tony was preoccupied answering phone calls from a co-worker telling
him, "dude I went to highschool with that guy!" -AV-
2-what did ortiz and cruise talk about...tom said "you sure have put on a lot of weight since jerry
maguire, haven't you cuba." -Jason in Troy-
1-But the conversation started when Tony said "Hey Mitch...OH, mr. Cruise, I'm sorry. . ." -Shawn-

10-How did Rod Marinelli celebrate the Lions victory? He finally popped his head out of the tunnel he
has been digging,threw the pick and ax on the ground and screamed " we did it! -dan in Rochester -
9-How the Lions win was celebrated...Matthew Broderick was dancing in the streets, then, with a tear
in his eye, had to shoot SJP when she hurt her ankle on the uneven sidewalk. -Jeff in Canton -
8-How did certain people celebrate: Roary spent some time with his son, Joakim Noah. -Boopie in the Farm-
7-Matthew Broderick celebrated the Lions victory by riding SJP through the streets of Detroit,
throwing candy to the children. -Kal in Westland -
6-Celebrate? Joe buck said 'yay'. -Wheels in Sterilng Heights-
5-Jim Price announced the Lions win when he said "and in their  thirrrrrd game the Lions got
a win". -Tommy at Work-
4-Mike Babcock celebrated the lions win by calling Jim Zorn and asking him, "so, you're gonna have
some time off now are ya?" -Tony in ferndale -
3-Martha reeves celebrated by jumping into the stands with her fellow teammates. -Kilgor-
2-When asked for his thoughts on the Lions loss, Najeh Davenport said he is very focused on #2. -Geoff in SH-
1-Patrick Kane celebrated the coin toss. -BP -

10-You know Shaq is you neighbor when he shows up at your work, followed by a camera crew, and tries to
do your job - Shaq vs... -Tony in Detroit -
9-You know Shaq is your neighbor when he stomps on a spider and it registers 6.7 on the Richter scale. -Mike in Fraser -
8-How to tell if your neighbor is Shaq? If your neighbor is the nicest, coolest, friendliest and most
interesting guy in the world, unfortunately its not Shaq, it's A.J. Pierzinski, just ask Doug. -Joe in Troy -
7-If youre at a neighborhood block party and participating in a water balloon party and decide to start fouling
,Shaqs your neighbor. -Scott-
6-Ways to know: if he plays hockey and has 4 fingers on his left hand. OH wait, that’s Joe
Shaq-ic. -Brett -
5-If you see Shaquille O'Neal unloading a moving van next door and think he's your new neighbor,
you're an idiot -- until Fred Smoot tells you different. -Grannick in Gibralter -
4-Ways to know: if Dewayne White shows up because he heard there was a big cav there. -Nick Fooch -
3-You know that Shaq is your new neighbor when you see some guy shooting the boot with a sneaker
bigger than your Ford Mustang. -Gord in Windsor -
2-How do you know Shaquille O'Neal is your new neighbor? When your car alarm accidentially goes off
in the middle of the night, he knocks on your door and says, "who dare to wake me? Ain't gonna make
this a mystery. Don't wanna do time on your wishes three. Watch it, boy! you don't want to dis me!
or i'll dish out my misery." -Mike in Royal Oak -
1-How you know if Shaq is your neighbor....when you ring the doorbell it says " Neighbor...tell me
how my ass taste!" -Ryan at Work -

10-to celebrate, the pirates went in search of the elusive john david booty. -B in Novi -
9-how did the pirates celebrate: they called charles rogers and had him bring over some
sea-weed. -Danny in the gym-
8-how did the pirates celebrate talk like a pirate day? they took a ride on sarah jessica
paarrrrgghhhker to the bottom of the grand canyon. -Paul in Hartland -
7-to celebrate, all of the pirates got together and drank too much rum. blackbeard passed out and
woke up with a shaved face, a missing peg leg and johnny depp sleeping next to him. -Garrett at Work -
6-gator spent talk like a pirate day the same way he does every day, he spends it trying to plunder
booty while every woman replies "arrrggghhh you kidding me...egyptian?" -Chris L -
5-how did the pirates celebrate: they wanted to hang out with najeh davenport but he just wouldn’t
come down from the poop deck. -Pauly walnuts-
4-what pirates do on talk-like-a-pirate day: look, i'ma let you finish talking about what pirates do
in a second but talk like kanye day is one of the best days of all time. of all time. -Dan in Troy -
3-how did pirates celebrate: there celebration was spoiled when the olsen twins threatened to sue.
they didn't like the fact their faces were being used on the pirate's flags. -Lawson in Novi -
2-pirates celebrate international pirate day by going to ihop, where else would a one legged pirate
go?? -Ralph at WOrk -
1-the pirates celebrated by going to the notre dame game...trying to figure out how charlie weis could
survive out of water and witch side the blow hole is on! -Tim -

10-Other ticket plans... the Kanye plan: just as your about to sit down, Kanye West pops up and tries
to give your seat to Beyonce. -DJ in Trenton -
9-The Scott the Gator Anderson ticket plan. This plan comes with two female friends, that's it, just
friends. -JB in Work-
8-Other incentives: the Joe Sakic deal, buy 4 tickets receive the 5th one half
off. -Glenn on the boat-
7-The Scott "Gator" Anderson ticket package: he said 4 tickets were only $93, but when you got there
they were well over $100!! -Carrie in Howell-
6-The sprinkler fitters ticket plan, you know what, no, we're not offering this plan. -Amp at Work-
5-Other incentives: show up wearing an MSU jersey and receive a free bag of
chips!!! -Glee in SCS-
4-Other incentives to sell tickets: tell Tila Tequila that the lions are going to be blacked out .
That way she will buy all the tickets to let everyone know that she’s the only one who is going to
be blacked out on a Sunday afternoon! -Branson P in Farmington-
3-You get a free ticket and chance to run a race if you are a bagel. Downside is you will be verbally
assaulted from the press box by Gator. -Joe in Troy -
2-The "two for this week and two for next week" ticket plan. Buy two tickets for this week and
Nickolas Kronwall will knock you into next week to see the game for free. -Joe in Bellville -
1-The Tim Tebow plan, you can only watch 5 minutes of the game but you are a better person for it. -Ryan at WOrk -

10-who’s brain is going where and for what: katie holmes gave her brain to tom cruise, he washed it,
then gave it back to her. -Granite in the Work room-
9-larry footes brain was put up for auction...woopie just out bid beyonce for it! -Tim in Sterling Heights -
8-matt millen's brain was put in charge of hr a few years ago. since then, not a single scientific
discovery has been made. -John in Midland -
7-george foster's brain will be donated to science just before he dies. -Rick in Highland -
6-Half man half tree's brain is going to science so they can study his Brain Stem. -Jason-
5-who’s brain is going where? pacman jones’s brain goes to the strip club which means there is a
90% chance of a brainstorm. -Big Bob at Work-
4-tatum bell's brain will be used by the faa to study lost luggage. - Tom in Warren -
3-andre rison's brain is going into the andre rison hall of fame as the "greatest brain of all time." -Brent -
2-who’s brain is going where and for what: joakim noah’s brain has gone through several cat-scans!
get it, cat-scan! -Bobby G-
1-Who’s brain is going where? tim tebow gave his cellphone a brain tumor. -Boops in Farmington-

10-what else happened at the vma's? kanye west originally forgot to get a bottle of hennessy, but
fortunately there was a shell station down the street. -Brian in Novi -
9-mtv vma - it was akward when 'wine-guy' had to propose a toast to all the winners, losers, and what
not. -Saw-
8-mtv vma - another awkard moment was mark mangino doing the helen keller and talking with his hips. -Scott at Work -
7-other awkward moments: patrick kane came to see 50 cent but only got a
nickleback. -Emery in school-
6-other awkward moments: lebron james showed up and before you knew it everyone was calling it the
ma’s instead of vma’s. -Carmen at Work-
5-other awkward moments at the vmas? during commercial breaks, rich rod made his players that were
there run up and down the stairs. -Jim in Detroit -
4-things we missed at the mtv vma awards...katy perry kissed katrina hancock and valenti didn't know
who either of them were. -Dominic -
3-snoop dog left the vma's in a huff when a parking lot attendant accused him of leaving a
caramel-colored multipooh in the backseat of his limo. -Errol in Flint -
2-other awkward moments: amy winehouse rushing onto the stage because she completely ignored the word
“video” when they said it was time to present the best rock. -Beedzle-
1-We missed when Gator asked, "Kanye...Thats a beautiful name...are you and idiot?" -Gee at Work-

10-Worst gifts for amy winehouse: the detroit lions defensive line. she would have a tough time shoving
that line up her nose, and even if she did, it wouldn’t do anything. -Robbie in the C-
9-Worst gifts for amy winehouse: a towel, Seriously, what harm can a towel bring her?...wanna get high? -Bup-
8-Worst gifts for amy winehouse: the dvd box set of “who’s line is it anyway.” -BP in Farmington - 
7-Bad birthday gifts for amy winehouse... a date with shawn merriman. -Ryan in Polk -
6-Bad birthday gifts for amy winehouse... a super bad azz van with a mural of a white unicorn on the
side and mirrors on the ceiling, and a fountain with flowing white zin. -Eric at Work -
5-I would not get Amy warehouse wet crack for her birthday because a dry crack is a happy crack. -Phil in Roseville-
4-Being the honorary catcher for a baseball first pitch. Seing all that white chalk for the batters
box & the baselines would be BAD news. -Fryderov-
3-Bad gifts for amy winehouse? inviting whitney houston to sing at her party. "aaand I, will always...
smoke craaaaaack..." -DJ in Trenton -
2-Worst gift for amy winehouse? crate and barrell's spoon, syringe, and tourniquet gift set. oh
wait, she might like that. -Matt in Brownstown -
1-Why does Amy have candles stuck in her nose? She thought someone said amy, blow on the candles. -Bob at Work-

10-NFL changes w/ Madden: an injury list will no longer be issued by teams. instead, a new madden nfl
10 game cover will be issued each week. -JJ at Work -
9-What can we expect: that nobody will be tin-actin a fool! -Nick Fooch -
8-Ways john madden is going to change the nfl? the new slogan is going to be "dont be jocking my
style or copying my swagger! i got that boom boom pow." -Francis at MSU -
7-Look for tom dempsey to replace john madden on those tough actin' tinactin commercials. "i paint my
mailbox with it every day." -Grannick in Gibralter -
6-What can we expect...a Pat Summerall sex tape. -AJ at Work-
5-What can we expect: that john madden will force roger goodell to change his name to roger dell.
because good can only be associated with farve. -Brapen at Work-
4-What can we expect now that john madden is an advisor to the nfl? first things first; no more
mistakes, marino! sheesh! -Brian in Novi -
3-What to expect with madden as special advisor... all nfl players will now wear wrangler jeans
instead of the traditional football pants. -Matt in Warren -
2-How will the league change: ace hardware will be replacing Jeff Reed as the official tool
provider of the nfl. -Lawson in Novi -
1-What do you expect: that larry “foote” will receive a complimentary basket of tough actin
tinactin. -BP -